Philip was genuinely loathsome:
Utterly and totally loathsome.
Repulsively ugly, a stunted repellent dwarf,
Vicious, rude, unfriendly, possibly illegitimate.

He was sarcastic without being amusing,
Always ready to make a cruel remark,
Forever looking for ways to score
And to show his own imagined superiority.

He cleverly managed to make more enemies
Than most people have spots on their back.
The nicest thing I heard anyone say about him
Was "Philip's not all that bad, surely?"

O happy day when I received an email from a mutual friend
To say that Philip was thankfully dead
And pushing up the proverbial daisies,
Breathing silently through the grass.

Surely one should not hate the recent dead,
But for Philip I made an exception:
I wanted to know how much he had suffered,
I prayed that his was not a gentle death.