For now, I am ok
Just fine actually
But around midnight I get down, so blue
at the sight and thought of you
I miss you so much my words can't form, just tears
That night you died rings so loud in my ears
those cries, the shrills
I remember clutching my baby close to my chest as I tried to run down the stairs
no one home
my sight blinded by tears
I fell to the floor, still baby in arms
tears and more tears
weakness filled my heart
I keep blaming myself for not starting CPR
for watching you die beneath me on that floor
slow breaths
tears on pause
thinking to myself I know there is a God
he won't let this be
not here
not now
not here in front of me
He was screaming
my uncle I mean
I kept trying to reassure him but I knew he could see
her lifeless body
eyes wide shut
shoes still on her feet

It's been nearly 5 months now, in about a week
and still those are the only images I can see
Him being carried down the stairs
I've never seen him so weak
We don't even talk about it
too much but we're still grieving
I remember this Summer
at the table
he ate with her picture just so he could see her
I rushed inside and cried
those tears burst free
I couldn't even catch my breath
I'm nearly in tears now over her death
but my tears aren't able to reincarnate that life
these dry tears won't ever bring my mom back