it was fall, it was cold

you were a sight to behold

last september is when i met you,

with your beautiful smile and eyes so blue.

i overlooked you for quite some time,

trying to prevent a crime.

you had her, i was alone

but every time you called, i picked up the phone.

back in january, i caught your eye

i could that what you said wasn’t a lie.

but you were still with her, i was still lonely

i knew i couldn’t be your one and only.

i moved on, so did you

so as friends, we started anew.

things were good, i enjoyed your presence

but as months went by you gained omnipresence.

i saw you everywhere i went

inside it began to torment.

summer came fast and i hid my feelings

knowing the hand would be toxic if i was dealing.

even so, the feelings grew

every time i looked at you, i just knew.

my heart beat fast, my stomach flipped

all the while, keeping tight lipped.

every hug was something i cherished

hoping what we had would never have perished.

so special to me, so sweet and loving

the demons inside of me stirred with becoming.

i lashed out in fear that you would never be mine,

all i wanted was our fingers to intertwine.

i could never compete with her, you know

she’s so petite and i just grow.

in one fowl swoop i ruined what could’ve been

and things have never been the same since then.

every day i wake up from nightmares

eyes welled with tears.

i grab at my bed sheets as i remember words you said

before i made my own deathbed.

i grasp at straws as gravity pulls me to the ground

sometimes the lost never do get found.

you’re the one that got away, that much i’m sure

a smile so beautiful, a heart so pure.

but the idea of you and her ate at my mind,

and i couldn’t handle what i might find.

if you and her never broke up, where would that leave me?

a second choice, i didn’t want to be.

but even still, after all the damage i’ve caused

my brain stops and i pause.

when you walk in the room and overlook me, my heart breaks

it’s so hard to smile when it’s fake.

no longer in your heart, or in your mind

i’ve been rendered blind.

now my nights are long and cold

just like that week in september foretold.