Hello Dr. Phil, have you got a segment
I've got a few things latched onto my mind
Don't worry this won't take but a second
If you do me this I'll return the favor in kind

Hello Dr. Phil, it's about my mother
Well really both her and my mother in-law
If you care to throw my wife into the picture
That wouldn't be far off at all

Hello Dr. Phil, have you run into this problem
Or am I a first and is there a cure
Call me right back Doc, I think I can take it
Can you tell me how much longer I've got in this world

Hello Dr. Phil, you might recognize me
I've been to see Oz and those Dr's on Channel 4
Though they canceled my moment said I was clingly and needy
Hello Dr. Phil, can I be a friend of yours

Hello Dr. Phil, have I mentioned the aliens
Do you do abductions, is that your forte
Cause if you do I can get you more ratings
We'll bowl over Maury he'll have nothing to say

Hello Dr. Phil*, I keep calling and calling
The heavy breathing? Yea, could be me on the line
But if you would answer neither of us would stress out
We could solve both our problems if you'd just give me the time