Our babies' room awash in muted blue
amber lamplight fills the hall
you pray in the other room
Alone in the shower
Tears won't matter here
You won't drop that book long enough
To come in...
We exchange our barbs and callous conversations
And I wait until you leave the room
To cry again.
Alone with digital carols
and my memories
Ghosts of Christmas past put an ache in my throat
I'm stuck in my grief
My losses palpable
and I find no comfort in you
Get over it.
Renew your mind
You fish with dynamite
Can't you see I'm hurting?
You give me nothing to hang on to
Hand me another stone
I'm sinking ground
And you offer no rope.
NO HOPE
for my shattered heart
For better for worse was lost on you
A kiss on my forehead
Would make it better
Still a little girl in my heart
Not this foul cursing witch you see
I'm left to fight alone
And I'm losing this war
Die with my eyes stuck open
staring at the muted blue
our babies' room
and the hall light bathed in amber
you pray under your breath again
Stuck with me
wishing it all away.
12/12/09