she said sit down
I'm going to teach you something
I want you to listen closely
and react impulsively
I'm going to teach you to destroy a woman
I placed my drink on the table
among the booth too big for two people
I found it so odd
she was clearly attracted to me
but I found something behind
the most obvious undertow of ****** attraction
why would she want to teach me to destroy a woman
when she could not second guess that I only wanted her
I let go of my whiskey
intertwined my hands as I brought my entire attention to her mislead flirtatious lesson
I stared right into her eyes
but not fiercely or intensely
like a cliche Twilight type of character would
I locked my attention solely on her
I had to nearly remind myself to listen
first; listen to her, every word she uses
every social cue she speaks
every corny line and aspect ofdiverse diction
then find a way to say it back
find a way to remind her that you could not care about anything else like the pathetic men or ****** women wandering
second; find out what she wants
and make demands upon these obsessions
respectfully of course
if her favorite drink is an apple martini,
make sure she has one with you
third; be funny
there's nothing worse than a guy without humor
crack a joke about a dinosaur for all she could care, she'll laugh, corny or hysterical
I wrapped my hand around my whiskey
while holding my most attention I took a sip
I was sure I was becoming drunk
and that made me adore her more and more with each splash that fell down my throat
fourth; have something to offer
have potential
have something more than your ability to dress well
have a good, sustainable job
something you care about, something you want
five; be you
don't be reliant on her at all times
she needs independence as much as you
when you're saying you need a night with the guys
she probably needs a night with the girls
care for her but don't get attached to her
when you want to say something
even though it could change the outcome of a conversation
do it,
she'll expect you to alter her future
and rattle her expectations
even though she has no idea how she wants it to be done
six; rock her world
prepare yourself like a pre game warm up
like the SATs or the BAR exam
your ability to hold that conversation will lock her down faster than you can say "mine"
seven; stay committed
if you want to utterly destroy her
be ready
you know she'll want to come home with you
and have intense, romantic and physical ***
be ready to meet her needs
don't let her find one flaw in your night
she grabbed her glass took a small sip
blinked once, breathed deep and placed her glass down
holding her absolute perfection
when I say perfect I mean so so perfect
more than the proclaimed Jesus Christ
she was perfect
now go wander the room and find a woman
she stood up from her seat and walked to the bar
I stood still watching her leave
then turned my head in every direction
circling the bar like a foolish drunk
I wandered past every poor excuse of a woman
finding that every girl could not meet my slightest of demands
until I found myself at the bar
searching the bar for one woman worth destroying
one woman worth pillaging or washing away like a relentless storm
until I turned to my direction in her classy and **** perfection
I walked up from behind her and said
an apple martini and a whiskey please
how'd your night go she asked
accompanied by a sigh I told her that I  could not care about any of those pathetic men or ****** women wandering the bar
she smiled, and why not she asked so daringly
because I want to be accompanied by beauty and intellect
not emptiness people with no potential
so what do you have to offer then? she asked me
well I'm 2 weeks from writing my BAR exam
but up until 10 minutes ago,
I've never studied something so hard in my life
she smiled again, and why do you want to be a lawyer?
a good Christmas bonus I answered
she laughed while grabbing her drink
and what do you do I asked?
I am a legislative attendant
I accompany all of our lovely law makers
She said sarcastically
I place my hand on the back of her chair and said; well luckily I shut them all down
she laughed again and suggested we open a law firm together
to inflict similar damage on legislative members
and I told her I would struggle to work everyday
as I would be entirely locked on her
beauty, intellect, smile, squinting brown eyes, humor, perception, indecisions, independence and for knowing exactly what she wants and I am falling in love with it quicker than my last 6 straight whiskeys have made me drunk
although I could have just laughed and told her Id love that
I wouldn't have altered her expectations or rattle her expectations
I wanted to rock her world
and I did,
she grabbed me by the neck and kissed me
her lips were perfect,
she did not have one flaw
let's get out of here
we stood from our bar stools and stumbled out
and I shouldn't have to tell you she was about to have the best *** of her life
and fall in love with a man that loved her more than he did his whiskey