I do it to myself all the time.
It seems to all crash in slow motion-all of it.
The desire for everything to be fixed overtakes me yet I to push away anyone who has the capability to bring me harm.
But they don't know who I am.
My failures seem more than any victory I long to hope for.
It's as if everyday as I drive on home, I dread to walk into the door I call "home".
My silent prayer is a plea to be anyone but me.
My thoughts have become so hidden, that I've disguised this monster I've become.
And maybe that's exactly what sends my heart cracking into tiny pieces.
The fact that I've become a monster.
The fact that I can smile, laugh, say the right things, yet still feel the pain my heart longs to get rid of.

Rescue me, Lord.
The battle will go on, I understand that.
But refuge never sounded so sweet.