Do you cross my mind? Yes. Of course you do, but I have been far too focused on that fact. I have been trying too earnestly to push your small words, hints, and phrases into a different part of me that has faded in my rear view mirror when I should have focused on this fact instead: You no longer reside here. I don't let you live in my mind, or in the spaces I call home anymore. I haven't for a while now.

I can tell you that I miss you. I can tell you that I loved you. But I know in my heart that the only part of you that will stay with me now is the piece of you that walks with me down that dark path in my tail lights that are too quickly fading. We were fleeting perfection, this truth is indisputable.

But you don't get the privilege to call my head or heart home anymore. You gave that up when you decided that home was curled under her tongue, and god does that hurt to think about. You ran away from home, and I changed the locks.

You cross my mind frequently, frequently enough for me to write this, but never frequently enough to stay. You no longer have a place in my future. I thought I couldn't accept this fact, but it is better this way. For one can only conclude that love is not allowing a person to fill your walls with their company. Love is allowing someone to open the window, to fix the front door that hasn't opened for some time now. Love is building a home together.

So, you may visit whenever you like, God knows I have no control over that. But you are no longer allowed to consume more of my time, thoughts or energy than is necessary. I know that you simply aren't able to contribute to this home anymore - that's okay. I won't blame you for it. May you one day find shelter where I could not provide it.