i remember staring at the sky
the streets were dark but the lights were orange and lying on the paved road, i listened
to the sound that the forest behind us made

when i miss you, i stand by the glass doors and look out
the darkness sounds like your heartbeat and i
shiver as i hear your voice in the unrecognizable stars

as i try to fall asleep i feel the secrecy of the moments when
you insisted i call you at 3 am
even when i was in florida
and the only other sound in the world was the wheezing of a truck

when i miss you, i think about the first night we talked
and how your voice hadn't changed
and how my feelings hadn't either
and how i was falling asleep in class the next day because we talked until dawn

three am was the time where i
had been awake long enough
to stop worrying about what you might think of me if you saw my insides
so i told you that i count in fives and i don't get vertigo and that i lied in the late summer

when i miss you, i sit on the floor and hug my knees to my chest and cry
i try to breathe between the empty spaces where your thoughts were
and i try not to think about the last words you said to me

instead i think about the way my sternum ached when you said
that i was your home
i think about the way you waited an hour in the july heat for me
the way you stuck your tongue out
and said i was exactly the same cute that the piemaker was

i remember waiting in the darkness when the streetlight flickered out
and the way your voice sounded when you said to close my eyes
and the hammering of my heart against my rib cage and the fear still bottled in my throat
and trying not to be afraid when i couldn't see you
and the soft pressing of chapped lips against mine
and the startled expression i must have had
as i grabbed your hand
and we walked out of the forest in silence.