Do people ever truly lose there mind or were they always fucking bat shit to begin with?
I believe half this earth is run by insane people most of which have way to much power and far to little sense .
The fucking radio is a great example ever listen modern music ?
You know that shit that doesn't require any talent to preform just a record player and some half wit to rap along with so you can have a remix yes country music is vile enough let alone throw in a nerd that would shit if he got his thirty thousand dollar sneakers dirty once are made in some sweatshop for ten cents a pop yeah how fucking fashionable .
And remember when you had to play a fucking instrument to have a record out?
Yeah I'm so old fashioned I mean sure kids wear all the shirts to half the bands I grew up with and have no fucking clue who the bands are but yes the world is stupid and you wonder why I drink.
Just like people who believe the world really gives a fuck there having a bad day # who gives a fuck Twitter is for stupid twats and celebrities who have as much depth as a public toilet but are far less clean.
People always read me and believe I am this nice easy going goofy drunken dipshit who only lives to make them laugh and talk about boobies well who doesn't like boobies there awesome.
Hey Gonz do you like kids ?
No I don't !
Why ?
Cause they always annoy the shit out of me when I'm trying to sleep off a good bender in the park really whatever happened to letting the TV raise them hey I look at me I didn't turn out so.
Umm well okay so I'm a little fucked up .
Hey do you ever get tired of being funny or find it hard to come up with new things to pick on?
Well just watch the evening news for a second and head down to the local bar or that gate of hell Wal-Mart and look at all those weirdo's who believe they have to buy shit just cause its on sale yeah sure why not buy two hundred rolls of toilet paper cause you never know when the world may end and the zombie apocalypse will begin .
Newsflash when the world does cease to exist you probably will to and when your starving to death or being burned alive I really doubt that wiping your ass is going to be your top priority .
And we already live amongst zombies there called yuppies and those I phone twitter loving instagram cocksuckers are fucking everywhere and driving while doing all this shit so pick your head up and watch out!!!
I recently was on a little road trip and while in Evansville Indiana as me and my head cheerleader were riding around the city late at night we were ran into by a young and brainless little shit who admitted she was texting and driving and as I sat there waiting for officer fat fuck to arrive to give this cyber shit a ticket .
Yes Indiana it's slogan should be hey are you fucking lost?
Yeah I know I'm a real people person .
Anyways as I sat there viewing what looked like babe Ruth in a bullet proof vest hand out a ticket as he sweat out gravy I had to question with fifty lares of flesh for padding was there really a need for the vest?
They say when you go insane it's hard to truly rejoin society .
But honestly after looking at half the strung out loony toon's that are considered normal why the fuck would you ever care to be part of there brain dead shit storm ?
And since when did the news care what was popular on fucking You tube?
Todays top stories the worlds on the verge of self destruction, A man kidnapped a child raped her for several years has five kids with her but later on that right now let's check out this cute cat video.
yes the worlds obsessed with pussy .
And you thought it was just me.
And why do teachers now all fuck there students and where were these horney bitches when I was going to school.
Yeah having to settle for a hand job from the janitor just wasn't the same.
Although he did have a fantastic grip I'm kidding.
And why do people even own TV's duh cause books are to much like work but hey remember to buy mine cause it has plenty of pictures yeah what isn't poetic about porn?
Yes I can imagine what the great writers from the past would think of the new bestsellers.
Who doesn't like books about gay ass wizards and homo vampires that glimmer in the light yeah I didn't read it duh I saw the movie dumb ass
yeah you may laugh but whatever got my sixteen year old girlfriend in the mood was alright by me I'm kidding again she was twenty one at the time least that's what her fake Id said.
Yeah least I'm not as bad as Micheal Jackson cause I'm actually alive that is duh.
Yeah he didn't have issues he just a fucking amusement park in his back yard .
Me I'd prefer a strip club or maybe a mall yeah don't ask.
Common sense nowadays it makes people laugh and the key to humor is always truth people are all fucked up hell just look at me I'm truly insane I own my own bar I get paid to write I do stand up for free drinks but honestly would you really want me doing anything else?
Attention this is your captain speaking umm look I really don't know how to put this but I forgot to gas up before we left so looks like were all going to die as we crash into the earth and burn to death.
Yeah my bad .
But hey I want to thank you all for flying delta and please remember the do not smoking light is on yeah sure your probably going to be busted into a million pieces but heaven forbid the prick next to you catches a whiff of smoke before he dies.
Loosen the fuck up cause your not going to live forever .
People are so uptight afraid to say fuck or disagree with each other cause we all need to think alike like a bunch of fucking lemmings.
I grew up around backwoods rednecks I lived in the city slept in the fucking street okay there's no difference in people except real fucking people aren't scared to piss others off they are who they are and if you like them great and if you don't then fuck off life's to dam short to sweat the bullshit and this high school mentality needs to truly get fucked the worlds messed up so embrace it .
Like me, Hate me at least you never have to guess what I really think .
Stay crazy kids cause the normal fucks of this life are usually total closet freaks who kill hookers on the side and make bombs in grandmas kitchen .
It's a shame cause a good hooker is a terrible a terrible thing to waste.
Well hamsters until next time this has been your bartender for life with your friendly perverted public service announcement we now return you to your regular scheduled program right smack in the middle so you wont know what the fuck happened cause we can nah nah.
And if I somehow offended you please fell free to write to.
Gonzo's complaint department in care of .
105 It's called a fucking joke way .
Cheers Gonzo