#gonzo
Boredom bored some,
but for the rest of us it became a lifestyle.
The rest of us,
who spend so much money and time,
on objects and gizmos...
Just to while away our lives.
And, on comfort!
If we're going to do nothing,
we've at least got to be comfortable
while we do it.
We've gotta work though,
gotta hustle.
The trick is finding that tipping point...
The Grand American Treasure:
To find the least amount of labor,
for the greatest amount of leisure!
So let's climb that ladder
Make money! Get paid!
So we can quickly and painlessly,
whittle away our days.
Apr 15, 2021
Apr 15, 2021 at 2:06 PM UTC
This one goes out to
the rambling, gambling mad man
from Aspen- the late great
Hunter S. Thompson.
My drinking has landed me
in prison for a short stint.
To occupy my time,
I read and write,
it keeps my mind sharp
and the nursing homes at bay.
Also, a pen or a book in my
hand has the added benefit
of a signal to the other
inmates that I'm in my own
world, and I don't care to converse.
H.S.T's guerrilla approach to
writing, and his sharp gonzo wit
keep me laughing and thinking
on this carnival ride from hell.
And if I can laugh in prison,
I'm halfway home.
My mind will go where my
body can't.
Like Hunter, I'm a betting man too,
and I always bet the long shots.
So I'm putting a bundle on
me to pull out of this **** hole,
and do something with my life.
** ** ** God Bless you Doctor.
And as my old man used to say,
"They can **** us, but they
can't eat us."
Dec 19, 2020
Dec 19, 2020 at 2:24 PM UTC
Time to leave
Break the screens
And find our true eyes
To live the dream
Leave the clean
And head out for a ride
The American dream we seek
To go out for a week
And look for some hell to rise
Get drunk under the stars
Stare at mars
And smoke all the grass i can find
For the American dream
Is were the real people meet
And talk about the times
To do drugs with a couple of thugs
And meet again up in the sky
To discuss the cancer
That grows in our homes
And molds itself to the young
That has done went
And ruined their minds
And destroyed them
Of their good times
For they will never understand
That long travel across the land
Looking for those great friends of mine.
Feb 14, 2019
Feb 14, 2019 at 11:16 AM UTC
Ugly is beautiful, ugly is under the pretty skin and colors we wear.
When one thinks of art and the beauty of words it must always sound nice, it must follow and follow traditional laws of language;
**** that.
Art is an expression of self and soul is it not?
Humans don’t all have beauty in them, humans don’t always have some wonderful soul or righteous heart, so why should all art show the beauty of life?
Why not mock the beauty? Why not admit that sometimes we’re ugly, sometimes we’re crass, cold and vile?
Are we not all we are? Do our life experiences not shape and make us?
Life is not perfect and we all have pitfalls, everyone is flawed yet when it comes to art we deny the fact and mask it by saying “art reflects the tragedy” or “I use art to express my pain” and in that way, we make it romantic, but what if, we just showed it as it is.
What if we just said exactly what we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, what we want?
Must we use the beauty of words and paint and rock to hide our shame, or fear, to mask our greed and lust?
Sometimes people aren’t pretty, sometimes they have no soul, so what if some art was ugly?
What if I didn’t use proper words or language
Or started to; break up words by what-ever means I saw fit for the piece?
It would confuse, it would anger, it would look bad.
But that would be closer to human than always trying to turn some act of woe into some poetic moment.
For a moment reject the beauty, reject the urge to be clever or pristine, smear some mud across the page, ugly can be beautiful in itself because ugly is just that.
You are not the best, you are not the best looking, the fastest, the strongest, smartest, you do not know everything- so it would make sense that art at times should be flawed, that art should be ugly and broken, that art should offend you at times.
There is a humbleness to be found in ugly art, in art that is raw and exposed.
Once you take away the fluff that people are attracted to, once you strip her down and expose what she is, you may find that while some art is a flawless figure in her **** skin- other art may be torn, ripped and festering with disease but she’s not hiding anything in that moment- and on top of that. She doesn’t care.
Why should every poem sound nice?
Why should art have rules and laws?
Of course, we must have laws and standards, of course we must have laws and rules HOWEVER in times and for somethings- breaking that mold, stepping outside of the box, that is needed.
I say ugly art hides nothing and shows everything, pure surface value with no hidden meaning or deeper philosophy, which won’t do for some people.
Some people will rip art apart to understand its meaning refusing to believe in face value because they can’t understand the face value of ugly, they have to have something pretty, they have to have something clever or witty or something they can cling to as being elite as if that somehow places them above the social stature at which they reside.
Trust in ugly art, trust in unpoetic words, trust in blemished statues, trust in unpolished raw music, trust in ugly from time to time.
Feb 3, 2018
Feb 3, 2018 at 7:48 PM UTC
Gonzo
Is often called a barroom poet slash outlaw .
Who's work has been featured in some mags that clearly do not care about good taste or morals .
When not living as a total recluse drinking his liver silly and watching **** He often enjoys long drives by himself picking up hookers but enough bout his ex wife.
His short stories usually revolve around some demented ******* much like himself .
He currently resides in hell or as others call it North Carolina .
Where him and his dog share drinks and take turns being the designated drunk driver .
His work will probably give you a contact high or at least the clap.
Enjoy .
And stay crazy .
Gonzo
Oct 5, 2017
Oct 5, 2017 at 2:50 PM UTC
As Heaven and Hell filled your glass you gave me the the gift of laughter and raised my spirits several times.
Those stories about a plethora of assess, wild crazed friends, and a hard painful life intrigued me for countless hours.
Never are you just a simple shade of black or white your always that insane drunk artist that mixes up the paint.
Your advice and experience taught me new colors that I would have never been able to imagine before.
Unlike me your a true writer that’s unaffected with the STD of being just a poet, but you still just might have the clap.
Your works are ****** great so don’t you EVER stop trying to get your stuff out to this twisted world……..
Because if you quit I will seriously be obligated to punch you and I know you’ll still be able to easily kick my ***
even though you probably broke your hip after you got out of your walker and unplugged your dialysis machine.
I’m not a mascochist (Unless I get a *** of cash or your a pretty Asian girl) so please for the love of god never make me do that, and hell I really like a lot you so I’d really prefer not to put a .38 special deep into your chest cavity.
Keep staying crazy you son of a ***** and although more than likely as your future attorney I’ll sure as hell stay busy,
but your my big brother and I ******* love you man so don’t you ever change.
P.S. Don’t hog on all of the good runoff ***** unless they are too chubby.
Sep 23, 2017
Sep 23, 2017 at 8:10 PM UTC
It wasnt my best day in fact I was lost like a person who has actual musical taste at a modern pop concert.
Hopeless beaten in need of a hug or maybe something else .
Hey id sit outside with a sign around my neck saying blow me.please if I thought it actually work.
What dont judge me and dudes need not apply that was a phase in college .
Im kidding I never went to college
She was gone and i was alone left with the farting dog and a world of pain while the miserable **** puppy was off having the time of her life .
Minus the ***** dancing and Patrick Swayze wearing his skin tight **** black shirt .
But nobody puts baby i a corner im just saying.
Sure I was alone my ***** supply running low trapped in a ******** no hope of getting laid in sight but who's ******* bitter .
I mean I could replace my favorite nypho barely legal head cheerleader with the snap of my fingers.
Yeah I was totally ****** .
I didn't miss her so.much but why the **** did she have to take her ******* ****** with her **** greedy ***** .
******* women ya think they could just leave it behind like half there ************* clothes but oh no the greedy *** *******
And to all the ladies reading this please dont take offense im not calling all of you ******* just the ***** ***** I was with for six ******* years but again im not bitter.
I was high and dry left only with half her crap and some farting furry hobo I called ****** .
Hey I was the man!
I was the one that was supposed to leave her in the dust .
It was then I had a moment of genius and yet another stiff drink cause my live in ****** left me to die in misery but who's bitter.
I dialed her number .
And to.my suprize she picked up.
Hello Gonzo.
I waited
Um are you just calling to not say anything yet again like last night while you play some.fucked up hair metal power ballad in the background again?
Oh Kelley
Hey sorry bout that last night didn't realize my phone was on .
Yeah was at a total **** naked chicks everywhere didn't know I called you being I was so busy banging the night away totally not thinking of you.
Yeah that's why I could hear you crying and please pick.better music next time okay .
Well im sorry my.why did you leave me you cold hearted ***** playlist wouldn't load .
Jesus Christ Gonzo im.not going to do this with you I told you were done I love you but im not in love with you cause im a heartless ***** .
Okay she didn't say the last part but all my stories are based on reality duh there's a difference.
I paused thought about all the good times and ***** things we used to do I was really having one of those sappy TV show moments.
Gonzo what the **** are you doing?
Kelley asked .
Nothing why just thinking bout the past looking at some home movies we made.
Jesus ******* christ!
Your watching **** and talking to me do not tell me.your jerking off as well you ******* pervert!
Kelley said. In her **** angry voice once made me think I was in trouble or gonna get a spanking once I didn't fear cause she was on the phone and duh ya can't do that over the phone ******* reader .
I swear you people who read this are total weirdos I guess that why I love you so much .
But enough with the foreplay children.
After I um got off the subject of if I was ************ to some art films me and my ex made together .
It was really a think piece about a woman kinda lost seeking to find herself with no gag reflex .
I really miss my ******
Sure she was a cruel ,ruthless,lying,Cheating **** puppy but she gave me *** without charging .
To.much that is hahaha I know im ****** up but dont judge me least im a honest pervert.
Gonzo you know there's always going to be a part of me that loves you .
Yeah kid I know .
We were both silent for awhile .
I paused recalled the nights remebred just how close we were laying together in the dark .
Looking into each others eyes .
The scared messed up trainwreck of a soul that always laughed at my jokes.
The silence went on forever till I farted the loudest **** possible It was long and stinky honestly it sounded like a bomb going off and smelled worse than strippers g string after a long night at the club .
Not that I know what that would smell like I mean from what I've been told I mean.
Well at least its good to know nothings ever serious with you.
You drunken ******* .
So does this mean you've seen the error of your ways and are on the first flight home to totally ***** the life outta me again?
Um no.
Okay maybe a blow job ?
Don't think so Gonzo.
**** okay a hand job while we watch one of those gay *** chick flicks you like .
Hey you be suprized how good the notebook is while getting ****** off.
Mmm Ryan Gosling mucho **** is all I'm gonna say.
Im kidding well kinda.
Gonz honey I know your in pain and I just want you to promise me this baby.
Please don't stop writing okay.
Kelley said to me.
I don't care what its about baby just never stop I love your work I always will you know your my favorite writer always.
I just got to figure me out is all.
I paused to drag this story out just a little longer and make the five of you that stuck through to read this **** wonder .
What the hell kind of **** is this nut on.
Well im definitely not on my ex haha but who is bitter.
We spoke a llittle longer I made her laugh as always promised her I would keep on being the greatest perverted short story writer on a site for poets that I could be.
We hung up went are separate ways.
I went on to be captain kickass .
And Kelley she fell asleep at the wheel drove off the side of a mountain dying in a fiery death .
Im kidding well I can always hope .
Im still writing like she asked.
And as long if your reading this sweetheart I know your demented *** thinks its funny .
Stay crazy.
Gonzo
Jul 13, 2017
Jul 13, 2017 at 12:12 PM UTC
You know I've always been a fighter .
And even when your on the ropes you still got to think there's a chance.
Many things in this life will attempt to break you.
People ,Disease. , Addiction .
We all fall down sometime .
Never ******* stay down .
I do t give a **** if it hurts .
If it's easy.
If we all can do it .
Then it isn't anything to begin with.
Ive broken my knuckles both my feet.
Destroyed my back and neck and I'm still standing nothing separates men more than the willingness to except defeat.
I will never say you are better than me even when you are.
Its not ego but if I become your mud puddle to step upon .
What are you when you stand alone but a fool who never met a challenge .
Do not allow this society to mind **** you into submission.
Far to many settle and get along.
You don't have to like me but you do have to respect I won't take your **** just to stand in your shadow.
I stand in my own spotlight and I suggest you find your own and allow it to shine brightly until your exit.
That's my advice kid.
Call me **** ,Call me a drunk .
Just never forget to call me by my name.
I'm always the hero of my **** as Bukowski would say.
Take it or leave it.
Some good sense from a life lived is far more useful than kissing *** and pretending to be something your not.
Be you and nobody will ever question.
Common sense goes a long way to well intended lies meant to never ruffle a single feather .
Fake pages and fluff writing are alot like toilet paper kid.
Except toilet papers more useful.
Keep your hands up and your head out of anothers ***
For in life with age and ego you'll have to pull it out your own plenty if times .
Fin
Jun 11, 2017
Jun 11, 2017 at 2:36 PM UTC
I was broke as usual it's okay I understood that far easier than I ever did being well off.
Long as there was a bottle and a room I could crash in I was good.
I never cared to gamble.
I lived my life that was a gamble enough
My money i preferred to be wasted upon myself not given to a fixed game played by overpaid children.
The only sport I ever loved was fighting.
I understood you against another.
In life its always you against the world.
I loved to fight even when you lose you know you've lived
I had stepped between those ropes often.
Paid the the price for a simple mistake and been knocked flat on my *** for it.
Boxing is a human chess match very few men have what it takes to go toe to toe with another.
Anyone can fall down it takes a man or mental patient to keep getting back up.
I had paid my dues broken bones multiple concussions between that and all the ***** poured into my skull you think I would be braindead by now.
Some would tell you I already was.
And those people would be like most full of **** speaking on things they know nothing about.
Critics come in all forms.
Don't worry over there opinions nobody ever worth a **** sat on the sidelines.
I had nothing to show for my years.
I could barely get moving some days.
But when the drinks hit me right and some young **** called me out i still had that spark that fueled the fire.
Never take **** from.anyone no matter how tuff they seem.
Anyone can get caught anyone can bleed.
Remember kids its not what you can dish out.
Its how much you can take and keep going that makes you tuff.
I wore my scars like tattoo's.
Everyone of them had a story.
I never believed in luck.
I just kept going no matter what stood before me.
If I depended on luck in my life.
I would be up **** creek for the rest of my existence.
Never stay down no matter how easy it seems.
Apr 27, 2017
Apr 27, 2017 at 3:22 PM UTC
I was always worst in the morning.
Burnt out hungover and in need of something to eat and a few strong aspirin.
The phone. rang and its normal intrusion always gave me the knee **** reaction to smash it into the wall.
But being i couldnt afford to live let alone replace **** i answred it instead.
Collect call from Austin will you accept the charges the operater asked ?
In her mock happiness from sitting in one spot listening to people for which she probaly held as much regard as i did.
I didnt need to ask from who only trouble and bill collectors call me in the morning.
Usally the bill collectors dont call collect.
I excepted .
What is it Cheryl?
The timid voice came through as she always did whenever she wanted something.
Hi baby how are you?
I'm sorry i had to call you this way i know it costs .
Don't sweat it I wont pay the bill anyways .
I hated phones and pretty much wasnt a fan of human contact altogether.
Well minus certain ocassions .
So what you need kid?
You always have been a blunt person.
Have to be when it cost me by the second sugar.
I wanna come home baby.
Yeah thought you left me to go home.
What happend didnt go to the right home?
Please Jack I need to be back with you this time apart made me realize just how much i truly cant be without you.
It had been over two weeks since Cheryl had packed her **** and had me drop her off at the bus station .
She just took her bags turned away and walked out of my life.
She was a pure ***** maybe thats why i liked her so much .
I hit the bottle and she hit the highway bound to the state she called home to the life she claimed to have thrown away for me .
That last fight had been a glorious shouting match I usally took.the sarcastic smart *** route but i had enough of her ******** and lies .
I was a ******* but least i was a honest one.
Jack please i'm coming home either way.
I took the last of my money to buy this bus ticket .
Yeah so why call me if your coming back anyways?
I knew full well why she was returning.
Cheryl was the type that required far to much maintance for anyone to handle let alone people who werent getting something in return.
Baby i just wanted you to know i ****** up I cant live without you im coming home to you.
I paused for a moment thought about that perfect body and the nights it layed against me in the calm of a harsh summer night.
I thought of the nonstop chaos .
The fights she was a woman of great passion maybe thats why she was so good in bed .
I was hungover like hell lonley but i would heal the strong ones always do.
Baby are you there ?
Yeah well thanks for the warning sweetheart .
I said as i simply hung up the phone and unplugged it from the wall.
Yeah i needed alot of things.
A new liver ,Maybe a job that didnt drive me insane .
A good bottle maybe a meal inbetween.
I needed more than a few things .
But a hurricane of emotional horse **** i did not .
I took four asprin and returned to bed to sleep it off
It was silent in the room dark and empty.
It was the most peace i had known in a very long time.
It was what I needed.
Apr 8, 2017
Apr 8, 2017 at 3:19 PM UTC
I look good in the background scenery,
It's just as sincere as the rest of this ********
This styrofoam party that I had to dig my claws into
Just to feel alive for a few hours,
Just to blow off steam.
I'm as lost as I could be in this dark room
Where we touch each other
To make sure we're still real.
Would anyone look at the light in my eyes?
I see great constellations,
While some random guy holds his stomach in pain.
It's only genuine if you believe it is,
And I'm not buying.
But this pretty girl by the fence caught my attention
And was afraid in that moment,
And so was I.
I ran to anywhere that would accept me
And I happened to blend in,
But I entered the dance floor with a full bladder, a migraine and thoughts of no anxiety to worry about.
Through miles of nighttime wind on the highway and secondary remarks that meant nothing,
I barely remember what you look like,
But I'm sure you once left me breathless.
The terribly natural position of making poor choices,
And missing people
Even the ones who don't exist.
Feb 25, 2017
Feb 25, 2017 at 4:18 PM UTC
No matter what happens just keep playing kid.
I was sixteen when I first started playing music as a DJ in a little redneck bar in Carolina .
Green as a glade of grass that would soon change .
I hung with the barflys the rejects the bikers and the ones that just couldn't leave there past behind.
I wasn't friends with kids my age I found my crowd and tried every vice in between.
You don't know **** at sixteen so don't pretend you do I learned from those who scars were many as the stories they told.
I watched the crowd they were always willing to turn on you
It was sink or ******* swim in a sea of smoke and stale beer .
The women weren't like the girls in high school .
There was no delusion of something more just a fast night and a good time followed by a ****** up hangover .
I had nothing in common with my own age group hell I partied with there parents knew off duty cops thieves and dope dealers .
They were all full of **** in there own way.
I cared little for a classroom I learned everything I needed to survive in those little dive bars .
I was underage six foot four acted and looked older so I just fit in .
There was danger
There was always some **** just waiting to happen .
No wonder I left the awkward world of social climbers and ******** proms behind.
Money was fast and so was everything worth a goodtime.
Who the **** needs someone when you can have the chaos of another night.
It was everything that I missed and never knew existed .
I will always remember that little ugly *** stage .
The faces changed real music still lives .
I gave them happiness they gave me there money.
It was my life's college .
The brain would learn what the pen would write many years later .
If your worried bout the page at sixteen your lost already.
Life will fill in the gaps .
Live first then it will all eventually fit together .
I forget everything now but I never forget those times .
One stage is always like the next .
The only rule no matter what happens when your up there .
Just keep playing kid .
Just keep playing.
Feb 18, 2017
Feb 18, 2017 at 3:52 PM UTC
There was nothing like a holiday to make me feel alone .
I watched her move with the music she seemed anything but alone .
They say honey draws bee's and **** does flies well here tonight in this bar you had a good mix of both.
She moved shook her *** every eye was on her .
From the ones that yearned to know that body to the women who just shook there heads and under there breath whispered what a *****
How marvelous she was underneath dimmed lights me I just watched and sipped a overpriced drink .
Hank was behind the bar for some reason he always found time to speak with me .
I have no idea why I truly didn't care for people I just was in need of a drink and didn't have anything at home.
Man some looker over there huh buddy?
Yeah she's got a magnificent *** doesn't she ?
Yeah little big though for me Jack .
Never been one invented to big for me .
Hank laughed yeah that's true hell and never one to loose either.
What can I say Hank I'm a man of low standards and easily Impressed therefore I'm seldom disappointed .
Your one crazy ******* you know that ?
Hell I never forget that hank how bout a refill my man and by are entertainment a drink on me .
Hank went to fetch my Jack and coke and give the girl with the nice *** a drink although I doubted she needed one from me seems every guy in this place was buying her drinks and from her looks I understood why .
I looked around the room the usual's were all there and a few new faces I didn't truly care I was to them the odd ball drunken writer what a rare spices that is indeed .
Almost as rare as a fireman who smokes or is bat **** crazy .
When there's no fire to put out the nut would light something on fire just to have something to put out guess we all need a purpose and me I just need another drink.
The jukebox just kept playing the right kind of music and she kept in perfect time with the beat .
Rhythm is always in the hips it flowed from there and took over it was some perfectly strange and beautiful voodoo to watch.
The pool players missed shots and the place seemed almost alive.
Eventually a fight would break out now that was some entertainment .
I sipped my other drink hank was a good barkeep and total **** at mixing drinks
he started watering them down bout the third real drunks always notice .
**** Hank why not just give me all coke!
Make it a double always in mine you ******
Hey Jack sorry must have been distracted.
Well stop staring at Larry's *** hasn't he told you he don't swing that way anymore since college.
Larry who was bent over the table making a shot just laughed .
**** man I never went to college Larry replied.
Yeah your right it must have been prison I knew I recognized you from somewhere .
The room busted up laughing **** you Jack .
Larry said laughing .
The room was alive the ***** was flowing .
Tommy walked up to me man you see that that chick dancing man.
I got two eyes don't I Tommy?
Well I been talking to her man I bet you fifty bucks she going home with me tonight.
Oh yeah Tommy she cant resist you huh?
**** man who could?
Been buying here drinks all night I can tell she wants it you see
the way she was rubbing up against me that last song .
Well you must have done something Tommy in fact seems you really worked her up .
What the hell you talking bout Jack ?
Tommy asked me as that goofy as expression was yet again upon his face.
Tommy was a arrogant *** in every sense he thought he was hot **** and when you took the hot part out of that statement you had his more true essence.
For as Tommy was facing me bragging I had been watching that little brunette the whole time.
Well Tommy I said , it seems that girl you danced with was so worked up she just couldn't wait for your return.
I don't get what you mean Jack.
Look I nodded my head he turned to view what would in his mind be his latest conquest making out with another woman .
I herd him say what the **** .
I took another sip of my watered down drink .
So Tommy I asked as I patted him on the shoulder .
Still want to take that bet?
And another night bit the dust .
Stay crazy
Gonz
Nov 29, 2016
Nov 29, 2016 at 11:47 PM UTC
I was awoken far to early it was dam near seven o clock in the evening .
The noise was insane then I finally turned off the music .
****** my four legged amigo truly needed to lay off the death metal
besides who wants to wake up to the spice girls really?
It was then I herd the crash as bottles flew from the wall.
****** did a big girl ****
I looked outside trees were falling the wind was blowing worse
than some teen age girls backstage at a Justin Bieber concert .
**** my ******* neighbor went flying by and was impaled on a tree hey this ****** up weather wasn't all that bad .
I went outside to see if I could help or finish him off and see if he had any money on him.
Duh like I'm going to help that *****
He? wakes me up every morning going to his silly job and calls me a drunken pervert cause I hit on his girlfriend look telling someone they have awesome **** is a compliment okay.
Hey Chris how are ya bud .?
Well being I'm impaled on your tree and have a garden gnome up my *** pretty ******* bad you idiot!
Well somebody's in a grouchy mood and Chris you can keep the gnome amigo hey whatever kind of ***** ***** your into is okay I'm mean sure your a ******* freak and I will probably tell all the world about you
But hey that's cause I'm a drunken perverted ******** .
But enough about my good quality's.
What the hell are you doing here you idiot!
Don't you know there's a mandatory evacuation going on cause of the hurricane?
I was confused by what this strange ***** impaled on my tree was saying.
That and I didn't know what mandatory meant maybe it was some strange ****** term ******* ****** .
Look man I don't swing that way okay that was just something I did for money once okay don't judge me.
What the **** are talking about you crazy ******* !
Honestly Chris sometimes I don't even know **** man its real windy out today .
That's cause there's a hurricane coming you idiot .
Oh well that would explain the wind You know Chris your a real ***** but besides that you really are observant .
Well nice talking to you amigo I got to have a couple cocktails
watch some ***** movies I like to think of it as part of my creative
process have fun hanging around.
I was walking away as my annoying ******** neighbor called out .
Aren't you forgetting something you crazy *******
****** I really was slipping I thought to myself as I pulled out my trusty knife .
What the hell Man!
Look Chris I got to **** you or you'll turn its only right duh
haven't you seen the walking dead ******* ?
Hey by the way being your going to be dead and all can I have your girlfriend ?
What the hell is wrong with you I'm not a zombie you idiot
I'm alive I'm just impaled on your ******* tree .
Yeah that's what they all say then next thing you know you have turned
and we got you and all your zombie buddies trying to bite my *** .
Please .
Was the last thing my ******* neighbor said well that and ouch as I plunged the knife into his skull I really felt bad he was not such a a bad kid.
I'm kidding he was a **** and now that the end of the world was coming you had to look out for yourself .
But enough with the foreplay children.
Me and my loyal talking dog slash whatever the **** he was were about to light up a joint and pour are first round when everything went black.
Much like radio these days.
It was then it hit me what Chris had said.
The wind him flying through air holy **** ****** a hurricane is
coming.
I screamed a manly scream and did what any strong male writer would do cried and hid under the bed with a bottle of Jack Daniels and my talking dog ****** .
**** man why didn't I ever watch the news ?
Cause your always watching **** ******* .
****** spoke .
Why the hell didn't you tell me this was happening if you knew ******
Cause I have to watch what you watch ******* I don't have any hands .
Now stop being a ***** and lets get out of here .
What !
Have you lost your mind there's a storm out there .
Yeah and half the people have left this place and wont be back for awhile its party time you scared *****
I thought to myself its hell being talked down to by someone who eats crap out in the front yard but he had a point .
This hurricane was terrible people had to abandon there homes .
And all there awesome stuff and it was simply going to go to waste duh
why not break in and enjoy it for them It's what Jesus would do.
I don't mean that guy in the book I mean that dude who works down at the garage and drives a low rider .
Course he was a ex con once meant he really knew a lot about life
and how to hide things up his **** true wisdom .
Me and ****** were off we drove around till we found the most awesome house that just happened to be sheriffs house .
It was totally kick *** we drank kick *** top shelf whiskey smoked some good **** and other drugs that ***** had taken from me over the years .
Not that I do drugs I'm kidding I'm ****** up now how do you think I come up with this ****
We went through house after house eat real food something actual writers can seldom afford duh like this **** pays.
The storm raged through the night .
Trees fell but being I was higher than Jesus I could truly give a **** hamsters.
It seemed like days bled into weeks we drank and lived as kings .
Played fun games like indoor target practice .
I was bout ready to call it a night and curl up with my favorite girl
Evan Williams .
When all the sudden some strange man was yelling at me in my own house .
What the **** are you doing here and why did your dog crap in my bathtub.
Excuse me Larry this is a simple misunderstanding Cindy may I say you have a marvelous rack I said to the woman standing at his side .
How the hell do you know are names ?
Duh cause of those awesome home movies you made on that video camera that was still charged up after you left.
The woman's face flushed red.
Oh my God Larry I told you we shouldn't have filmed that!
Hey I have to say miss the way you handled that three way with the two dwarfs well it is truly ******* awesome man you two people are freaks .
My new buddy Larry must be so happy cause he couldn't even speak he just shook with happiness .
His wife didn't even look at me well I have that effect on women .
Hey I was thinking you know I love the arts myself I'm thinking Cindy me some drinks that kick *** hot tub not the other one ****** took a crap in sorry bout that he just lacks culture unlike myself .
It was then Larry flipped out using his outdoor voice indoors he grabbed me by the throat I screamed **** cause I yet again forgot my trusty **** whistle dam you hurricane!
I was thrown down the stairs I was beaten I swear you housesit without asking go through peoples home ***** movies and your dog takes a crap in there tub and they blow it all out of proportion .
Guess I wasn't going to be getting a tip ungrateful ******** !
The Hurricane had torn up this small island were I lived and apparently vandals had broken into peoples houses and stolen most all the ***** in there houses how terrible.
I made my way back to my trusty bar poured me a drink and sat on my favorite stool.
**** Gonz you made it out of there I was truly worried for you.
****** said as he turned on the blender .
Yeah he couldn't change the channel but he could talk and mix drinks something just wasn't right with that picture course he was from Kentucky .
Yeah no thanks to you .
You little ******* !
Hey boss don't be mad I got something for you as he placed the the video camera on the table.
I had to lighten up the power was back on we had stayed drunk through such harsh times and got some freaky home movies from those weirdos we house sat for.
I took a sip of the margarita toasted my little friend.
Well bud we made it after all.
We spent the night as all others before drinking are livers silly
cutting bad jokes telling ****** up stories like these that make you wonder when the **** they will ever end .
Until next time hamsters .
Stay Crazy
Gonzo
Oct 13, 2016
Oct 13, 2016 at 5:01 AM UTC
I stopped somewhere along the way .
It was a blank place with even more blank faces .
They seemed just as detached as myself.
There is a true beauty of being alone .
I haven't seen a familiar face in weeks .
But then again I haven't had the headache of having to pretend
I care either .
I thought about when I left.
There was comfort in the routine.
Knowing the misery would great me every day .
Knowing the name of every ******* ******* who drove me nuts enough to leave in the first place.
As I waited to pay for gas the ***** behind the counter looked at me as though I was some sort of oddity .
Two six packs in hand I asked for a pack of Marlboro reds as well.
He looked at the clock .
Kind of early to be hitting sauce huh pal.
He asked me as he put the pack of cigarettes on the counter and rang the rest of my crap up.
His name tag read Mark.
I was just passing through but at least I had met one of the Kentucky chapter of ******** .
Well never to early to start a bad habit my friend I said as I paid the gas station Gestapo a fifty.
He held it to the light .
Just pressed it today bud I said.
Somebody has been passing fake bills around the area he replied .
Well when I run into somebody I will let him know your on the job .
You aren't from around here huh mister ?
He placed my change on the counter .
I didn't say **** I just walked out with my change and two semi warm six packs in hand .
I herd him say you have a nice day as I was heading out the door.
It was funny how people viewed others as if there life were some great ******* contest.
They thought there life's were good as long as there was someone else
to look down on.
Yeah I may be a **** up but least I'm not like that drunken loser they would say.
I cracked a beer aimed the car for interstate and was headed anywhere but here .
Yes I lived in a ******** but least my ******** had cold beer .
Aug 25, 2016
Aug 25, 2016 at 2:11 PM UTC
Send my soul back to Europe for this night of excitement.
I wasn't thinking in plain terms, I had already read this in Santayana but I was only noticing that you were soft and pale,
My neighbors treat me so much better than you seem to (try noticing that they're people too sometime),
You complain and put up your false barricades to lower at moments notice,
Momentous when I'm out of sight and still carrying the remnants of scent and dreams of morning candles.
Turns out you aren't very unique and you major in manipulation, honing your skill and your art isn't to be displayed in public.
Will you say I broke my own back, or admit you were taking my head and changing your voice, ignoring what was right in your eyes?
I was already agitated.
Our last supper was in the front seat of your toothpaste green Ford, no mint on the floor,
To rub your collarbone and then wish I could take it back because you ended up in my bed...
But you made it clear that we were just friends, absolutely.
You said to stop, didn't you?
You told me it was wrong?
You didn't, I asked.
It was a game of consent and I lost.
Aug 17, 2016
Aug 17, 2016 at 1:49 AM UTC
I checked the mail everyday hungover feeling like **** probably looking just as bad.
The mail clerk always looked at me strangely .
How's the writing going ?
I had made the mistake one time of speaking to her one day.
She saw I was always sending out envelops to different magazines it was a small town what can I say she was a nosey *****
Well I'm almost making it I replied to her walking out the door.
It must be great seeing your words in print .
I don't know when they are I will tell you what it's like I replied .
I was standing at the door more than ready to leave get back home mix a drink and start my routine all over again.
She looked puzzled .
You get so many back surely you must get some things published .
There rejections they always are.
Aww come on you haven't even read them yet .
I'm psychic I don't need to read them.
How come you keep sending them out then if you know the result?
Well you see just like women turning me down I seem to never tire of asking besides if I badger them long enough just like a woman in a bar after a few drinks maybe I just might get lucky.
She just looked at me .
Well you have a nice day MR Robbins.
I left made my way home happy I could make the nosey ***** uncomfortable I never understood peoples need to know everything I loved my privacy I hated social networks there false ******** happiness all on display it was like a store window all fake all ******* mannequins and fake smiles .
It was never reality besides who gave a **** what you had for dinner !
I sat the mail on my desk or on that over crowded thing that I believe once was a desk .
Mixed a gin and tonic and began the self abuse that was reading rejection letters .
Most were the bland same **** .
Sorry to say no , We have to pass sorry and good luck .
One was a card not even a rejection slip these people were pros to bad the women didn't hand these out at bars .
Dear sir.
Thank you for buying me drinks all night making crude jokes while staring at my ****
Sorry to say not if you were the only man on earth and even if there wasn't a battery left in this world for my ******** .
Sincerely
Valarie .
Now that would at least be good for a laugh I thought .
I got to the last one some little college paper known for there edgy ******** .
Dear MR Robbins
We are happy to inform you on your recent submission to us.
We will be publishing your poem.
A Good Day To Feel Slightly Bad .
In next months issue of are paper thank you again and please feel free
to send us more work.
********* I thought to myself.
Now how would I ever face the post ***** again knowing that I was a total fraud as a psychic.
Well either way I was always happy to be wrong.
I mixed another drink I thought about telling friends about my recent success.
Then I thought to myself.
I really didn't feel like making any today .
Cheers .
Gonz .
Aug 17, 2016
Aug 17, 2016 at 3:07 AM UTC
And in between the changes she moved a ghost to only haunt my wants .
To deny the needs and linger in such a tormented pleasure the poison leaves only the lust.
In between rounds the music's backdrop faded as thought's of sharks and ****** of all sort simply lingered for the **** and the prey was clear.
She held the keys and I simply admired the view in between drinks .
A good dancer moves with the music and a true one owns the moment and makes you forget all the rest.
She could pop the clutch without ever shifting the gears the nights tension was electric and the passion was as real as the false splendor of the buzz.
Nights are a mystery and **** if her page wasn't worth reading and if not it didn't matter when the mind escapes the wolves .
Never to consider the want **** the politics!
The race was far better than its finish and the night played far better in my favor standing alone.
In those moments we share and between the emptiness we try in vain to fill the scene of perfection and the silence a pleasure in the hours .
Tonight I viewed the devils outline.
She was a picture the fragment of a fix and the night a backdrop. Summer wasn't all that kept the night hot .
As night was chased to light .
Sometimes its best to never show your cards .
As tomorrow was never my destiny but tonight was are pleasure.
The page tattered has seen its share and the rest is best left a mystery.
It was a hell of a view .
Jul 11, 2016
Jul 11, 2016 at 2:31 AM UTC
I was trapped lured into lie by a clever evil mastermind .
Lost in a strange land locked away in a basement guarded by some twisted hamster on steroids known as a kangaroo.
Sure I had been tricked by evil means by the mastermind known as Helen hey look she told me there was a huge **** down in the basement with tons of strippers and ******* who wouldn't fall for that? Duh everyone knows you never let strippers in the good part of your house .
So here I was living in the basement like some sad nerd who probably posts on a web site everyday thinking they are totally awesome cause they have five hundred followers when in reality they'd be lucky if they had even one human friend in real life.
What ?
I was talking about one of those star wars nerd sites cause everyone knows I'd never bash a site like Hello that is ruled by a evil cult leader who moved to the states after collecting money under guise to help the site when in reality it was for his *** change .
Yeah Id never pick on someone like that .
Frankly I'm hurt you'd think that I'm kidding and as long as I'm breathing I will always be your favorite ruthless ******* slash ****** with a heart of gold.
I sat there in my new cell wondering just what the hell I was to do all the while kangaroo jack kept his beady little eyes locked onto me .
Yeah I knew he was sitting there mentally ********** me with his eyes I felt so naked course id probably feel better if I actually put some clothes on.
Duh who wears clothes at a **** *******
Had I known this was all a lure I would have kept my clothes on and kept my trusty **** whistle and not got into this mess to begin with.
I was ready to scream for help when all the sudden I herd a sound .
Muffled as it was still I herd it the kangaroo hopped as it approached me oh dear lord man I was far to fragile to be assaulted by this weird *** overgrown rat .
The sound was so strange it sounded like the men at work song land from down under but where the **** was it coming from!
The Kangaroo was getting far to close it leaned over into my face and being a true man I did what any other true man would do.
Began to cry and beg this ****** up gerbil not to **** me.
Answer the ******* phone mate.
It said to me as I was stunned .
Hey ******* answer the ******* phone .
It said again incase your to high or didn't read it the first time .
You ******* talk and what ******* phone I asked trying to hold back the tears let me tell you these animals were known killers they were like Canadians on crack with incredibly strong legs yeah imagine what nickel back could do with powers like these those heartless ******** would be unstoppable .
I was lost naked and afraid minus the camera crew and some ***** chick who smelled really bad and ******* at me for not having great hunting skills why not call that show what millions of people wearing clothes call it .
Marriage yeah now there's some scary ****
Look **** for brains snap out of hit .
The kangaroo said as it kicked me upside the head .
Answer the ******* phone so we can get on with this story you *******
I swear those kangaroos really had a mouth on them who knew such cute looking standing rabbit could be such a *******
Okay so where the hells the phone and never kick me again you got it!?
I have no clue where your furry foots been.
Up your grandmas *** mate and where else would I keep my phone in my ******* pouch .
Look You can insult me how ever you like Gerbil but I'm not putting my hand in that pouch besides that is the oldest trick in the book you know how many times I fell for that with grandpa ?
What?
This steroid fed mouse asked as it looked at me like all other people and some who read this might think.
What the **** is wrong with me?
Yeah that's a whole other write in itself .
Answer the ******* phone in my pouch now *******
Umm no .
Why not ?
Cause I don't want to .
Look you ***** if I had long enough arms I would do it but I cant okay
you know how ****** up it is to have arms this short now you know why the T Rex was the most ****** off dinosaur of them all .
Yeah I had to admit my new friend slash captor had a point imagine being a total badass that cant **** off boy that's some ****** up **** but enough with the foreplay hamsters.
After some back and fourth debate I against great protest reached in this hopping asshole's pouch and found a cell phone .
Hello ?
Well Gonzo how you like your new digs mate?
I knew that voice anywhere .
Helen !
My friend turned evil super villain explained to me her evil plan to keep me hostage and force me to co write for eternity in this basement guarded twenty four seven by Ursula her trained evil kangaroo henchwoman .
It was clear all hope was lost how could I ever escape the clutches of such twisted evil?
Then it occurred to me I would simply bust the window in the basement and get the **** out of here .
I had to act fast cause it's almost happy hour at the bar kids and this hamster is thirsty.
Hey Ursula I really got to use the bathroom .
Well go ahead mate the toilets in the corner .
Yeah but you know I really like my privacy you know I mean I tell you those burritos are really talking back if you know what I mean but hey if you can stand the smell be my guest I mean sure the oder alone will strip the paint off the walls but I'm sure after you pass out from the fumes you will be fine.
Fine you stupid ******* just make it quick Ursula said as she bounced her grouchy *** upstairs .
It was my only shot and thank God they had left a trusty boomerang around so I could bust the window to make my escape its almost like it was planned that way being I'm writing the story.
No **** Sherlock!
I was free as a bird if a bird had a really bad drinking problem and twisted sense of humor and was totally naked .
I looked to the front gates but there was no way I could escape that way barbwire and flesh didn't mix that well besides without there draw bridge down the crocodiles would eat me alive yeah these Aussies were total freaks .
So like some naked ninja I made my way around Helens Compound of evil making my way upstairs I slipped into a room in hopes of finding just where my clothes had been taken to.
Hey help me .
I herd a mans voice say as I flipped on the light to find a horrific scene a strange man chained to the wall no wonder this evil woman was such a prolific writer .
Hey mate help me please get me out of here .
I knew this woman was evil but after some deep discussion I learned this poor man trapped in this upstairs *** dungeon was secretly her husband I know how weird who has there *** dungeon upstairs ?
I don't know what I'm going to do I'm never getting out of here Gonz .
I unchained my knew friend after he told me he knew how to find a way out of here and after finding my clothes and grabbing my trusty case of bourbon we put on some music caught a killer buzz and totally forgot why we were trying to escape the clutches of evil to begin with.
The party was great we laughed we cried we watched some really freaky homemade movies once only made me love my knew Aussie brother more Shawn was ******* awesome a bit of a freak but ******* awesome.
The party was going full swing when the doors few open and there she was my evil long lost sister Helen and her demented *** evil henchwoman slash house pet kangaroo Ursula who although a animal had some great legs I have to admit .
The gigs up Gonz it's off to the basement with you forever !
I looked at my new best friend thought about how sad he was when I found him and thought of the great times we could have roaming the wasteland looking for gasoline like in mad max just being totally drunk instead.
Yeah then Helen yelled in her outside voice inside and bout made me **** myself so I said **** this and left my brother behind and hauled ***
I made it to the kitchen but was trapped by Helen and her evil **** minion .
Give it up Gonz Helen said .
At that moment I grabbed a knife .
Oh cut the crap Gonz stop being silly what are you going to do with that ?
She thought she had me but I had one last trick up my sleeve .
I opened the fridge and grabbed her trusty box of wine
You ******* don't you dare hurt my baby!
Yeah you want this back I said as walked forward and out of the kitchen towards the veranda .
You get back Helen or I swear the box of wine gets it.
Oh yeah you stab that box then I will drop this fifth of your bourbon over the rail Helen said with that devilish look in her eyes.
You heartless ***** !
She dropped the bottle I swear it cried daddy as it fell to the ground shattering to a million pieces on the concreate beside the pool wow I had to admit she really had a nice place.
I mean sure she was twisted evil heartless had a awesome husband she kept in a upstairs *** dungeon but enough about Helens good quality's .
I looked as my pour bottle lay shattered upon the floor .
I laughed you know that wasn't my only bottle .
I know that mate then reached to Ursula grabbing yet another bottle from her pouch dam you Australia why must you have so many ****** up animals in one place its like a zoo on crack.
Helen went to drop yet another bottle over the rail when I cracked.
Okay enough!
I will put your box of wine down just don't hurt the bottle okay .
Deal mate Helen replied .
We both slowly put are true passions in life down .
I'm glad you could see things my way Gonz now time for you to get writing .
Yeah Helen I don't think so I said pulling the trusty boomerang from a location I rather not disclose hey I been to prison before you be surprised the stuff people smuggle in.
Dam that hurt.!
I threw the boomerang with all my might this was my one truly last chance at getting out of here.
But like some Aussie ninja Helen just ducked the thing as it flew past her head went flying around the house and turned direction coming straight towards me hitting me in the skull.
As I fell to my death music played as I took that long dramatic one story fall .
I hit the pavement like Lindsey Lohans career.
I laid there broken my new best friend speaking to me no gonz don't leave me we could have are own spinoff if only you didn't die .
Shawn my brother I will never forget you but I have just one last thing to say to you are you listening .
Yes mate I am.
And at that moment of dire sadness I ripped the biggest **** .
Shawn busted up laughing as above Helen looked at Ursula
Men are so ******* disgusting .
And later as they all sat looking down upon me from the veranda Helen furious at her man slaves betrayal told her partner in crime slash killer kangaroo .
Ursula go fetch the battery out of the car and the ****** clamps someone is going to be punished .
Shawn's face lit up with joy yay he exclaimed .
Helen shoot him a look .
I mean oh no such horror please don't torture me mistress .
But hey don't judge them there not freaks there Australian.
Ursula shook her head as she made her way to fetch the car battery .
Jesus Christ why couldn't I have been Mel Gibson's pet.
Helen looked down one last time at her dead brothers body .
But to her surprise he was gone .
The dramatic Halloween music played as Shawn looked to his evil temptress slash wife .
Mistress was that the boogeyman?
She slapped the **** outta him **** no its just that lovable perverted misspelling ***** across the water everyone calls Gonzo.
She shook her head and laughed to herself .
We will meet again my friend .
Until next time kids or Helen finds and actually kills
me stay crazy.
Gonz
May 29, 2016
May 29, 2016 at 3:45 AM UTC
Part One
A American Madman's Farwell
I was fried from the scene in LA the lights the fake women with the perfect smiles and quick to jump in bed mentalities that if thinking you were a casting director were all to eager to sell there souls .
The were twisted insane drug addicts maybe that's why I had grown to feel at home amongst them and there demented ways.
I had grown numb to the excess the high quality drugs and all night binges .
My mornings were like rising from the dead more agony than pleasure
I found even now to arise from the crypt it took far more than a stiff drink and a good **** I had to dam near summon a voodoo priestess to bring me back to the living good thing even the masters of the occult all desired to be famous and were already here .
Everyone was after the fast track that quick fix and I was just after yet another story.
I was just another snake in the garden all to eager to take advantage of the first opportunity to strike the innocent then leave them with a expensive habit and some cab fair in the morning .
I sat there as I do now ice in glass bottle on the table frustrated in need of something more one last adventure was on the horizon .
And my sights were set on the land down under .
Were the heat and mystery surrounded my thoughts where the page could breathe and my thoughts could take flight one last time .
I sat there a addict in need of another fix one that only a finally dose of adrenaline and adventure could curb my desires .
My choice was made long before my bags were packed.
and few lines and some stiff drinks were all I desired to see this road to its end .
I paid my bill packed my **** and was ready to be lost .
L.A. was a mistake always willing to happen and a new Atlantis destined to be at the bottom of the sea .
I was buckled in and blown out of my mind as the 747 blasted from tarmac bound for escape pointed towards the sky .
I was higher than Jesus and bound for a story that would be far beyond the depths of my own madness .
Sir would you like a drink ?
The stewardess asked me when we were stable within the clouds.
You can fill in the blank when it comes to my reply .
Just make sure it's a double .
Please fasten your belts ladies and gentlemen the madness will begin shortly .
May 1, 2016
May 1, 2016 at 3:14 PM UTC
Broken dreams and cast stones
I've bared the burden
now simply rather collect dust.
In every line I breath as in life I simply decay
its all a blast till you see it for what it never was to begin with
Fallen stars and dim lit thoughts cast a jaded view over the night
And it's always a dream just before the nightmare takes hold
When the nightmare begins, I like to technicolor dream
I see the abyss for the small ditch it could be
I see a puddle of tears that won't become a river
never would I cry so incessantly, weep then move on
We can't erase the scars that choke on a dark night
we cant fight the hands that want to hold us down
broken dreams are signs we are ready for the fight
and every line is the only thing we can own
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 6:19 AM UTC