Used to be
anger made all those other feelings disappear...
I could mask sadness and fear.
Now, anger just falls away as fast as it manifests...
and I am left
with pain.
Even if you were awful these last two months
I loved you once.
I was lying when I said my heart wasn't broken...
I know, the queen of tactless truth...
I lied.
I don't miss you.
I miss the delusion of love and comfort
and fatherhood.
And I just wish it could have been different.
I just wish you could have been different.
I just wish you could have raised the white flag
and gave it all you had... or nothing at all...
I gave so much of me to you, and I thought that was forever, and you pushed and pushed and pushed thinking that I'd never...
and now that I'm through, you choose to hurt me even more
as if in some way you are evening the score.
I wish I didn't have to make the choices you forced me into
but don't think for one second I feel any regret.
I just can't forget that I loved you once.