July 14, 2002 everything indelibly inked in my memory our love of two decades gone in the blink of an eye your light extinguished all that was ceased to be innocence lost someone wanted you dead stacks of information racks of paperwork sad faces phone calls nights in a puddle of tears sleeping in the bed we shared weren't you just here ? where are you now? can you see our anguish? our fight to survive while going through the motions my mind repeating your name over and over again as if those were the magic words to bring you back to this life so empty and yet so full mind numbing pain consumed my every waking moment filled the corners of my body with stark grief then scattered to bits and dumped into an abyss of undeniable pain
I began to talk on paper about what had just happened 12 years ago , trying not to sound cliched and maudlin if anyone should read the harrowing narrative drenched in sorrow and change.Yet wanting to formulate it into words.