The memory of your battered work boots, tipped on their sides and haphazardly strewn about the back hallway, my mother asking you to put them away.
To the love song playing on the radio, you recalled that the first time you heard it, you were standing in Times Square and you immediately thought of my mother. (I wonder if you still think of her.) You picked up a can of Miller. You took a swig.
My sister, just a few months old and laying in her bassinet, plucked from the comfort and placed into her carrier. You toted her around with you, took her to meet the crowd in the beer garden. You took two sips.
On the weekends, you would lounge on the couch with race cars in your eyes. Your thoughts were far away from little girls playing dress up and little girls toying with dolls. Your thoughts were on the equipment from work that you had begun hoarding. You took three gulps.
My weekends, spent with my grandparents, felt like mini vacations. Your cool distance and rotten behavior towards my mother felt like arms outstretched, keeping me away, forcing me away. Childhood like a peach out in the sun for too long, overripe and decaying, you threw it in the trash and I helped.
The sour taste in my mouth is leftover childhood ignorance, the kick in my gut when I think about you is leftover betrayalβI will not mourn a traditional childhood, I will mourn your lack of apathy. You will never know remorse.
The phone will ring, and I will not answer. You will leave messages, and I will delete them. We are on two different planes now, Daddy.