I wish life had taught me differently.
Much more than pain.
Than the struggles I go through.
Rejection.
Betrayal.
Hate.
Ingratitude.

Growing up, I always wanted to be an angel.
I never wanted to be the reason why a tear should be shed.
I wanted to live harmless...
But the more good I did, the more the rude universe made a fool out of me.
Failed me.
Made me eat and drink from the tears of my mysery.

So now I sit, and as I listen to a song on my background,
am trying to clean up myself.
From all the dirt the world poured on me.
From all the hate that smeared my once white heart, black.

Am weary, because am not any different now.
I hurt too, when I chose to defend my soul.
I dont mean to.
If only I could go back to a baby again, I'd never wish to grow up.
I'd only be angry for a minute and the next holding your hand to the mall.
I wouldnt want to revenge so bad that my life would stand still.
I'd never be scared to love because of the fear of being rejected one day.
I'd cry when am uncomfortable and know that someone would come to wipe my tears away and comfort me to sleep.

But now am grown.
And Only God's grace can take me back to that place.
The place of joy despite the happenings around me.
The place of peace when someone walks away.

All I need now, is fixing.
Once again, Fix me Jesus...Fix me.*

©The Unspoken