she told herself for years
i can forgive him
it'll be easy
but the voices come back in her mind
and the picture comes back
and she can hear herself screaming
"daddy leave mommy alone"
"daddy why are you hitting her?
and her heart start to beat faster
and she answers his phone calls
in fear of what their next fight will consist of
and she told herself
i have to love him because hes my dad
but she never did
she couldn't feel love towards him
he had hurt her too many times
he took her everything away from her
her happiness
he took all her trust away
and now when a guy goes to grab her hand
she flinches in fear of his hands
and when a boy leans in to kiss her
she steps back
in fear of whats going to come out of his mouth
from the time she was two and hid in the basement with a baseball bat in case mom decided she didnt care anymore
she screamed
"daddy dont hit me, daddy i love you"
but he took his bare hand and punched
her as hard as he could
she can't remember the pain but she remembers
the tears and the screams
and the look on mommys face
when she ran downstairs to her baby with a
bruise the size of daddys hand
mommy said "baby i'll get you out of here"
but it took her ten years
ten years to let daddy go
ten years to see he hurt s too much
ten years to see he wasnt gonna change
ten years to see that i was broken
and its gonna take the next hundred for me
to ever recover from the fear