I miss your California tan,
that birds nest of blonde
you always insisted was styled meticulously.
Your lopsided smile
always accompanied by rolling eyes
whenever I tried to be clever and ultimately failed.
I miss the way your hand fitted in mine
and the way you could never just hold it, without fiddling with my fingers.

You should see our boy now
he brings joy with every breath
and finds magic everywhere
He picked a snail from the garden the other day
to keep as a pet, I said no, snails aren't pets!
he said "mummy will let me" and ran back outside calling for you
searching for your smile
he doesn't understand......
he shouldn't have to.