They came back

Like the raging winds
And the torrential rains
They came back.

The urges,
The desire to tear into flesh
To sink into an abyss of pain
Only to never come out

I was naive to think
They'd stay away for good
To think
A little over a month was long enough to
Escape the hell my life had become

I thought they were gone for good
That I was safe from my most primal urges
**** or be killed
Destroy or be destroyed

But a month isn't enough
To stop salivating over blades
To stop daydreaming of bridges and throwing yourself off them

It will never be enough
No matter how long I stay clean.

Because I will always be smudged,
A mirror  coated with dust
Never to reveal the whole truth,
Just a sick dance of marionettes
Jolting against their strings.