on holidays is when everyone pretends to be happy. not me.

New Years I would sneak my way out of people screaming "happy new year" and "I love you's" and kissing and drinking champagne, just to keep myself from having a panic attack. because you weren't there to start a new year with me.

halloween, I guess was my favorite. I would always get to be someone who wasn't me for a night, and I would hope that you would be behind one of those masks. I suppose that's not a good thing. I haven't grown out of it.

thanksgiving I would hide in the bathroom and hope everyone would forget about me until they were done saying what they were thankful for. because I was still thankful for you.

Christmas, where we would all be selfish ******* and open gifts that we didn't even need. and go to church and act like a family. when all I wanted was you. and your still not here.