~

At my expense


Sawdust coated planks of worn grain and smooth edges find
toes tapping inside hard brown leather shoes,
not polished since Sunday’s *** luck
allowing scuffs formed on lonely sidewalks
to glow beneath the lights, suspended over head

The din of the crowd plays to my nerves, (I peek from the side)
Aunt Lucy’s pleated skirt moves involuntarily
with her words as she gossips to anyone who will listen
Politicians shake hands as they take the prime seats,
balding heads blocking views and causing children to giggle

Sweat beads, runs, drips on my rented suit,
speckles of gray on white linen, charging the heat
with reckless abandon as creases relax
and I adjust my belt with the precision
of the previous wearer

Thick fabric, paisley and purple, stained by age but still
magnificent in appearance, hide me from the gathering
of locals and visitors alike…when I hear the band ring up,
happy go lucky music brings this sense of urgency
to my ever quickly beating heart

Stage hands bounce back and forth and a thumbs up
lets me know it is time…
music reaches a crescendo as the curtain lifts skyward
and I am faced with the reality that has all to often been a dream
and then a nightmare

I step to the front, clear my throat,
begin counting the many eyes staring at me,
searching for greatness, brilliance, charm
and I read my poem…penned the day I lost you,
the day my heart shattered, the day my world ended

No applause today, as I stand on this sad stage
gazing at gaping mouths, wide-eyed disappointment
and I pray the curtain drops as quickly as it rose
allowing the comedian to rescue the audience with
his offering of humor…at my expense