i am blunted
i am    
     f l a t
(but not about all things)
in fact,
i find myself quite hilarious
when i speak of sword-fighting
people to the death
you cannot feel blunted about something
   and simultaneously have a desire for
   fantastical violence
someday,
someone will understand
   my flair for dramatic words
   my disorganized thinking that
can only be worked out with rambling story-telling
someday,
someone will understand
   my utter despair and hopelessness
   the massive curiosity about the universe
that plagues my sense of being
in the meantime,
i build mind walls
when thoughts stray
in a regrettable direction
   i add bricks to the mind wall
   surrounding the phantom
   heartbreaker
      soul-crusher
   betrayer
      liar
   hypocrite
you know, the usual cast of characters
(growing at an alarming rate)
i visualize each mind wall
each phantom
each misdeed
and i visualize bricks getting stacked up
hiding the phantom
blocking all thoughts and feelings
blocking all memories
rendering me flat.
rendering me blunted.
but sometimes mind walls
erode slowly or
explode suddenly
and then i say crazy things
like for instance,
i may challenge someone
to a duel.
   or declare my undying love.
or my most blatant disgust.
after word explosions
comes wall repair and
silent fury.