i once told you a month
wasn't enough to climb to where your heart
wanted to be and yell to the world
"i am strong"

but i am wrong

your birthday came and so did
news we could not return later
if we did not find it fit us
it was a million sizes too big

you turned 49 this year
but the only thing growing next year
is the amount of time you've spent in heaven

                                           two weeks into a perilous journey
                                   you were still able to walk
                          still able to speak your mind
                   still able to smile
             two weeks into heartbroken news
        you still lit up the sky and threw away the smoke
  and i was proud of you
a month was long enough to prove yourself
   worthy of friendship
        worthy of smiling
              worthy of standing, laughing-
                   wrapping up the hurt and storing it inside of you
                       holding on for those who watched over you

and now you watch over us

a month spent on treacherous ground
and no longer could you open your eyes
let your smile shine through even though
the pain you wore was now sizes too small
                              but you held on anyway

three days later
we told you
"we are strong"

we are strong because you are apart of us

"we will be okay without you, spread your wings, fly"

and you did

a month and two days to this date
is the amount of time you've spent soaring the sky
and if words could tell you how much i miss you
i would send them -  scream them to you

                               you will forever be my north star