11/24/21

Today them & us won. Grey became instinct and was finally silenced. The Survivors live in balance. A stalemate. A deceiving chaos when left to their own devices.  When them & us won with hate for the other; Grey who chose to live amongst them was washed out and omitted for not choosing a side.  If you ever heard me say I love a black & white society, the rule of law, it's because each side knows where they stand and where they fit in.  Grey is always stuck in a fight determining who is good and who is evil when us & them only expect and demand  Grey to pick a side. Grey clearly doesn't fit in among the masses (the m is silent).  Grey could see good and bad in us & them and loved us & them all equally.  When Grey is washed out and silenced us & them have nothing left to fight for perhaps?  Grey was the 1% who refused to pick a side because us & them both exuded hate that neither could outdo the other in.  To be left with a 50/50 of hate shows equals are the us & them.  Not one better than the other.  Left standing are the equal sums of hate.  The haze clears perhaps when Grey is removed from the equation?  Maybe Grey should learn to truly shut their mouth so that us & them can realize that they are puppets made to believe each is superior to the other when in fact are equals who like the force of water, together, can move mountains.  When those that seek to deceive you and play us & them against one another for their own greater good clarity hits who is truly evil.  Grey has no power in the fight if they can't convince us & them that they are equals.  Grey wants to just exist and hope that us & them will eventually realize that together us & them like black & white make more Grey and then we can all coexist and They will stand out like the moon that manipulates the seawater to destroy all in its path.  It may be time for Grey to retreat to solitude.  Maybe Grey is the problem and They is ultimately that which should win?  Grey feels it in their gut they have a place here among us & them, but They seems to be all us & them can see as relevant.  Forgive us & them for they know not what They do.

4/11/2020

The world is crashing down
Humanity is programmed to destroy
Word hurt
Sharper than any bullet

Like ***** and Gomorrah
Our planet we tore to shreds
Words hurt
More than any slap in the face

The money prescribed on alcohol
While others spend their life in pain
Words hurt
Hindsight such a crying shame

Cain and Abel representing mankind
While mankind looks only to self
Words hurt
Because ultimately we fall short

8/15/2019

New beginnings always come with promise
Promise preceeds failure
I want only to trust what I know
Quit the foolishness let it go

I never see eye to eye
With what others see occurring
Perhaps my soul already knows
No sense rushing or scurrying

The advice of a father
Always whispering in my mind
Knowing already I suppose
Of all I'll leave behind

My maker He knows the plans
He has for me and demands
I'm not meant to have that of which I dream, he has me in his hands

Free will we each are given
But the truth is it falls out of grip
Like the match of the little match girl
Not controlling her destiny or trip

I'm tired, I give my maker full control
But know I do not have any
No telling which way I will go
The decisions are way too many

Patterns

Life is full of patterns
Me always trying to be wishful
Always hoping
And routines always setting the tone

The norm isn't expected
It should be, yet it side swipes you
Like a car accident that should have
Served a purpose

Wishing and hoping
Plans made that will never happen
Reality is you can only count on
Change to occur

Plans do not seem to materialize
You are left wondering
Why do we bother
To dream

I had just begun to dream again
It always fools me to believe
I was born into comfort
That which I'm never to own

A tumbleweed in the storm
Runs through it
Or skirts the danger
Dependent only on the wind

We should take no ownership
No pride in our circumstance
Let God and the patterns
Of life decide

A blank slate of no expectations
May actually equate
Safety and we as zero
Disappointments

3/30/2018

Today is the day I step forward alone.  Eternally single no longer at home.  In your arms or on your chest.  The comfort I felt will cease to exist.

I hope and pray the best for you.  I see I wasn't made to be one of two.  Eternally solo the way it should be.  I was defying His plan when we became you and me.

Reality is I knew long ago.  That this is how it all would go.  I got my hopes up that I was wrong.  When out of nowhere you came along.

No regrets for me.  All regrets from you.  I'm sorry we weren't meant to be.  I haven't got a clue.

Never would I have wasted your time.  Had I known I wasn't your kind. Once again chaos I caused.  I'm sorry for my crazy mind.

Always the best intentions.  Never the outcome planned.  I clearly lack retention.  My thoughts should be banned.

I am moving forward at a snails pace.  Hoping I can heal.  Every day is the slowest race.  Praying forward just in case.

3/30/2018

5/9

I'm learning to exhale
Not to hold my breath
Determined to no avail
No chance of sudden death

Healthy me can't you see
That fear has kept you ill
Why live a life not worth it
Happiness does not ****

Your choices must be
To know a new reality
It's descending upon you
If you will let it be

Your fear was taking lead
Powerless still it is
The ending's been written
It's sealed with a kiss

I'm learning to exhale
Hand held along the way
Not destined to fail
Tomorrow's another day

5/9/2017

5/7

I write in order to breathe, so myself I don't deceive

Getting hopes up like a child, haven't done that in a while

Feelings uncertain, most definitely unsafe for me

You'll find me on the bottom, where I'm usually destined to be

Coming to the surface is painful as can be, when I ignorantly get comfortable where I awkwardly stand out as me

You said it once, and meant it thrice as I helped show you the way out of my life

But take a look inside yourself when you preach about taking a chance on self

You are no different than me and that perhaps was my fear

At least I am aware of my walls living mostly in acceptance my dear

For what presented as a moment I thought I found someone like me

Why that moment seems eternal as I relearn to let it be

I can do it with no problem, but each time it takes so much more

I'm exhausted, sad and lonely to the core

Of who I was, who I am and who I will be

But mostly writing to breathe because a part of me will never be


5/7/17