I think I'm starting to lose it Whatever 'it' is Whatever I 'thought' I had...
Is it all really just a hallucination? Because I really don't want it to be just another illusion And if it's an illusion Then this is the scariest best thing to have happened in a long time Illusions of you in times... When I want time to just stop 'being' time Because time passes, and sometimes it can be so very unkind, And I wish sometimes that I could rewind, So that I can freeze frames of time. But I can't, can I? And it's not because I haven't tried, It's because I've tried and I couldn't capture the warmth that you ignited like a fire when I was in your presence.
But by bottling all my emotions away, Until it seems like the skies could not get any more grey Because they look like they would overflow because it's filled with so much tears and pain and strife and starving due to loss of hope and finally given up on life And everything inside of me just wants to stop functioning Just wither away like crumbled walls and grains of dust not in existence.
That's when I'm close to the breaking point Of no return. That's when I lose myself. Because it all becomes a mashed up blur of visions... And suddenly everything seems so calming'n'clear. And somehow....that's the only time that 'time' Seems to be kind enough to me...and slows down. S l o w l y Trapping me in a place where I'm connected to you Not through imaginations or tricks of the mind.... But in some other wonderful state of matter... Because in that place, i feel at home...and for once 'I' actually m a t t e r
&I; don't know if I'm supposed to, be able to...feel things so much more than I should. They say missing the ones you love is natural, But what is natural, about something that...terrifies you and mesmerizes you at the same time? Makes you glad to be alive and yet i still feel like dying? because i'm stuck here without You.
You.Human by flesh You. So ridiculously annoying You. So full of contagious laughter and positive vibes You. The divergent. The one that words have not yet been able define. You....the person who stumbled across Me &Mad;; me feel b e a u t i f u l.
You...the one who put the northern star to shame, Because nothing burns brighter than the light that refuses to stop flickering In your eyes. You...the one who says the words i can't seem to find.
But when missing you flips without a notice Zooming me down lanes of emotion extreme And I'm no longer me I take on the form of frozen ice stiffness Numb in my limbs Struggling to hold back the waves in my eyes Because.... iKeep seeing you there but you don't seem to see me at all. You'reLike a ghost from the past ButYou look more real to me than I've ever known .a l i v e.
And I keep hearing your voice in strange places... Calling my name. And i'm screaming out loud and the tears are streaming and pouring down! But you still don't see me.... and I'm standing right here, so why can't you see me?
Then i realise, Peace no longer seems to resonate Where it once did. It has been drowned in the echoes that surround my very existence.
I see you. still. I hear you. still. &I;'m trying so hard to reach out to you. still. But you're not really here, anymore. & that's when time stands.still. The realization doesn't fit, right.still. In my mind you're.....still.....here. But....still. I tell myself. If you where there, you wouldn't let me feel so deathly chilled So deathly cold. So empty'n'shallow So hollow that I can hear my own echoes. Bounce of the walls suffocating me..still.
You wouldn't leave me lost. in this still-ness. You wouldn't be looking for me as I am you. You'd find me.
And I'm pulled out of my daze & the haze lifts Yet it...still...hurts I'm so misreble without the blurry'hazey'dazey'maze Because without you I'm so conflicted'n'confused Without the nightmares... Forcing me to stay alive, to survive, to find a way.... I'm forced to awaked to a cold flush of realities.
That... 1)You're just not here anymore. 2) I can only see you in figments of my imaginations. 3) You're a fragment of a past I can't seem to let go of. 4) You're Simply.... G o n e .