i have lost count
of how often i told you
that i loved you
i have lost count
of how many times
you told me you wanted me

i have lost count
of how often
you came
i have lost count
of how many times you left

i have lost count
of how often i held your hands
and kissed the inside of your wrists
i have lost count
of how many times you held me
and how many stars
you counted in my eyes

i have lost count
of how often i cried for you
i have lost count
of how many times
i fell for you

i have lost count
of how many months
you have been gone for
thirty-nine or forty
my mind won't go back
and count that far

my pen
scratches the paper
dancing to the wind
wondering
if anything
but you being gone
really matters