As cliche as it may sound,
you were the other half of me,
the better half of me

I was never able to walk safely without your hand on my shoulder
I was never able to sleep at night without hearing your voice on the phone
I was never able to interact with others at school without your tiny little body standing next to me, projecting all your confidence into my being

You were my one and only best friend with your much too thin, way too short brown hair, California sun-kissed skin, and perfect three pant-sized waist

And I know this sounds as if I were in love with you in such a way that I wanted to kiss your thin lips, but it is not that at all

I wanted you, all of you, to myself and no one else, that is the truth
I was selfish and greedy and I expected all of your time
I hated who I was, I hate who I am, I needed you to make me a better person

I did not feel like a whole being without you
I do not feel like a whole person without you
And I still need you to stand me up and hold me still so that my teeth do not chatter

You bloomed sudden intelligence and drifted away from me, the smartest thing you could've ever done for yourself
You left me all alone
Without you I've fallen over
The ants and flies have scoured my body for every last bit of remaining flesh
I'm decomposing now, I will be worm food
........
At least I know I was put on this earth for a reason

****

All I do is want to hate you
But I love you more than I could ever miss him