she stood there waiting
waiting for an answer
waiting for a reason
waiting for a sign
to know why i would
think i deserve to
have so much
pain.

the look in her eyes showed
that all she craved was to know.
why can she not see?

honestly, i wonder why i even
let myself endure the pain
any longer than i should.
death waits for me at my doorstep,
why should i not let him in again?

10 reasons I have come up with
because that should be all i need:
1) God- Would he forgive me? The thought seems scary if he wouldn't.
2) Life- Something I should hold onto dearly, after all this is the only kind like it.
3) Leigh- A girlfriend like you is worth living for. You are worth fighting for.
4) Amy- My bestfriend is possibly my soulmate... not in a "get married" way but in a "meant to be bets friends forever" way.
5) The World- I have too many things I want to do and that I want to change: I should do them, right?
6) UCBerkeley- All I want is this University... It's what I crave. I need to be there. I will be there.
7) The stars- I belong to them like I belong to God. When I die I want the stars to yearn for me just as much as I yearn for them.
8) My family- You are so low on the list, but I cannot lie that I would miss you in some form or way. My sisters big smile, my nephews hopeful eyes, my aunts kind words, and even my moms funny sayings.
9) Me- Yes, its sounds quite selfish but I would miss my humor and my laugh and my hair and my poetry. I would miss reading and exploring and learning... Oh God would I miss learning.
10) The Universe- How could I explore the Universe if I am dead?

I know living is worth it because of all of these things... I just wish life were a bit easier on me.