Empty
Dark
Full of regrets
Full of imperfections and mistakes
Shame
Shame at being who I am
Full but empty
Empty yet dark
Void of all my emotions
The black hole that ***** them in then spits them out at the most inconvenient time
Void empty unforgiving black hole
I'm enchanted by you
I hate you, but can't ever forget you
You're my drug and I'm hooked on you
Addicted to you
You've never gone away no matter how hard I've tried
I'm not sure if I want you to
Cause happiness seems so fake like plastic or people
Happiness feels great, but it feels so fake compared to you
You're real
I know you
You make hating myself feel good, you make it feel right
But it's not right and I know it
But I love the way you do it
How you make self hate and loneliness feel so addicting, so good
How you make the constant mental pain and heart ache  feel blissful
How you keep me wanting more
And how when I get a lick of happiness you make you miss you more
You keep me wanting, waiting, and begging for more
And I want it to end
And I can't make it
Your hold on me is tighter than welded iron and there's no heat to unconnect it
Only cold
There's a lock on my heart and you've put it there...
so that I would never let go or stop being an addict
But it's not like I don't have the skeleton key
to unlock
          *and let be...