One of my favorite lines of poetry is,
That there are enough gallons of blood to make you an ocean. Do not settle for letting these waves settle and the dust to collect in your veins.
And...
I've let everything in my life settle.
I settled into the depression.
I settled into my bed I made, and I almost stayed there.
I almost stayed in the forgotten nights and days.
I almost stayed in the feigned affection.
I almost
completely
settled.

You see,
I've been taught against that my entire life.
Be in the world, but not of it.
But,
I failed.
I settled.
And, I always thought I would be this rushing wave.
I would take everyone by surprise.

I did alright.
I fooled them all.
I fooled them with words and excitement.
I fooled them with the influx of every word.
I even feigned my own happiness.
No one knew I was drowning in my own life.
Breathing,
Yet,
Gasping for life.

The sleepless nights,
The sickening nights,
The thieves and witnesses,
All of it.

I wish I could say it wasn't true.
That I am whole.

But.

I am done lying.
I am done.
Finished with everything that pulled me to the bottom,
Drowning me.

I'm ready to be an ocean.