The first person I ever saw pass on
Was my great grandmother,
The wonderful woman who had 11 kids in total,
Second in line would be my grandmother,
Another special woman in my life.
I only remember my great grandmother
In her little wheelchair I loved to push around,
Or her four-pointed walking stick which I used as
Monkey bars and swung around,
Or the times we had to carry her into the toilet because
She couldn't help herself.
A few years later,
She moved out and I cried.
The strange thing was
I never cried during her funeral,
I didn't even weep when she took her last breath
With her eyes wide open on the hospital bed.
Everyone else was crying like mad,
And honestly in that moment,
I just felt weird.
Like a heartless creature who felt nothing.
People stared at me with their hateful tear-filled eyes.
I didn't like that. Not at all.
Maybe that's why,
Up to date,
I'm still trying to fix that.
Hoping for a chance to maybe feel grief again.

And this time I'd cry like crazy.
Mostly because now I am crazy.