too many mornings i laid in your bed,
pretending to sleep, with your sheets
pulled up over my head
because i was afraid of what
you'd think if you saw my
naked face

and too many afternoons
i held my arms crossed
over my rib cage
hoping no one would see
how stupid i could be,
thinking if i drained the blood
from my veins or spilled
my guts into the sink,
maybe i'd start to shrink

and too many nights i cried
in the bathroom with all of my
clothes on, in front of the shower,
because i was afraid to feel my thighs
touch under the water

i spent too many hours
forcing my collar bones
out of my chest,
never stopping to notice
my life as it fell
away from me
with the rest