I'm not sure id find it in your heart
or your eyes.

your soul is something
I could never read

and though my own
lay woven in and out of lies

i expected more from you.
It was a crazy lie invented to occupy my loneliness

and  I almost had myself believing it
but there was one step I was too proud to take

I count myself so lucky
I didn't fumble when you needed me most

the cold in your eyes is what I deserve
but there is no coldness there.

I fumble because I know
it's not what I should still have to run to

And I can't look in there as long as I used too
its so **** hard

because its in my eyes and in my heart
I know you've seen it.

I almost destroyed it
like so many other parts of myself

so  this one thing I hold perfect
in honour of you,

singularly
my ***

though my heart
tore it's self in two.