I awaken
to the sound of blood
in my hips
moons come and go
predictably
but not today.
thoughts drift to the bottom
of an empty coffee cup
and I try to make sense
does it make me feel sad
to lose something
I never asked for
never thought about
never wanted
relief
stays with me for a minute
but not for long.

A strange regret to have.

I touch the last place you have been
Here
some spark lived here
a few days ago
but now- lost
as I am
how can I grow to love something
that did not exist
I've said I wouldn't want it
again and again
Didn't know I wouldn't mean it
at the end
I thought I could do anything
try every flavor ice cream there is
drink until I pass out
and burn everything
to keep myself warm every night
and not care
because I don't want it
until now
until you
will we see each other again?
I would have liked to meet you
see how you danced
but too late
this is the worst secret to keep
because a secret is always in the telling
but I'll say goodbye
with a few tears
a few wisps of cigarette smoke
I promise I won't tell Daddy about you
one last song
and a few notes of silence
to keep you safe
Goodbye, finally, breathe
it was nice not knowing you
And I'll just go back
to where I was
just a little more empty
than usual