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Sarah Villaluz Feb 2016
Starlight dances
in midnight blue
I wonder if
they can hear
this secret roaring
inside me

Gaslit tracks
running loops
over and over
reminds me
of drunk mad
by your steady pulse.

Small infinities
I don't want to let go of
I don't want you
of wild racing things

You ask me to breathe
and all I can take in
is lungfuls of
you you you
and the night sky                you
and the cool wind drifts    you
and dim light streets          you

I am sober enough      
But can't you see
I'm mad drunk on

Everybody's got a secret to hide
Yet it's the one I want
desperately told
on every inch
of skin on yours and
why don't eyes unfold
to meet mine

Don't you know it
In every strange flutter of me
trying to seek you out
small cramped excuses
the furtive soft lips on your cheek
when all they want to be is
somewhere else
anywhere else

I love the way it feels like
a new, strange, unsure hum

And another sleepless night.

Would I risk everything
just to feel something
Sarah Villaluz Oct 2014
Haven't you heard
it's raining fireflies
better catch it
before it burns this mountain down
if it helps you sleep
I wouldn't mind

Maybe it won't be enough
in this land of
sleeping giants and
burning skies turning into
star spun blurs
wrapping your arms around me
I am confused
It's been a while
since my heart danced like this
teach my skin
in dreams
in every breath
you breathe
and I take
just another moment of
after another
after all
it's raining fireflies tonight

Close your eyes
and tell me
in sleep
I'm waiting all night
for Something
because it's not enough
or is it
we fit like
just because
it's raining fireflies tonight

And you hold me
like you'd never let go
when you think
I'd never remember
Why don't you and I
burn together
and set this place on fire
just because we
want to
never last long
in the mornings
and I really like
waking up
next to you
Sarah Villaluz Sep 2014
Sometimes I wonder
if somehow you're the greatest accident
I might just live through

And its on days like these
when the sky is crying
that I remember
salted caramel kisses in the rain
and violent starry night crashes
and the bruises on my skin

You were like some wounded animal
I kiss your scars
and you run away
firing off like a sawn off shotgun
when daybreak comes
But I can still taste you on my tongue

You said you wished your
wisdom teeth would grow straight
Maybe I'm just your favorite sin to make
My lipstick stains on your cigarettes
I haven't washed your scent out of my hair
a veiled threat
of moonlit shore secrets
mad ******* poetry
and intoxicating electricity
in a not-so foreign place
come find me
If only I'd care enough
to stay

Why can't it be simple
like lazy early mornings
when you'd find me
leather jacket and bikini
waiting for the sun
to warm my bones
Or sleeping away most of the day
in naked intimacy
Incandescent nights
making music in candlelight

Maybe it was some
drunk accident of six years ago
When I found someone else
who loves dancing in the rain
as much as I do
Maybe it's true
that sometimes love
is written in episodes
When will you learn
how to love
the things you don't understand
And to stop running away
from yourself
in endless feedback loops
day after night after day
after everything

There are times when
there is wisdom to be had
and it takes wanting
too much
to bring color to these hours
maybe I like how things
fall as they are
Why don't you and I
just hide tonight
for old time's sake?
And maybe we can make
the same mistake
like we always do
And breathe in the summer solstice
with wide eyes
bringing heat to each other's sheets
until we peel off
this summer skin

And I am still here
in fits and starts
while you're sleeping
thinking about this new accident
just waiting to happen
Sarah Villaluz Jul 2014
Maybe it's better this way
I'm letting someone steal me
all over again
Because this city keeps on changing
by staying the same
And you and me drifting into
the same bars
the same beaches
the same questioning eyes
on the same strangers
We are the only ones who know
that maybe
sometimes maybe
I still need you

It's kisses on the cheek again
I don't know half the time
if you're saying
or goodbye
**** it and see
as the song goes
let me put this cigarette to my lips
so I can lie to you better
on this cloudy Sunday afternoon
it's the little empty promises
that mean so much
when you're chasing after
some semblance
of six years ago
We're the only ones who know
that you need the lies
as much as I do

And when I pack my bags
swearing I'll never come back
to this place again
Because I can't wait
for some vision
of you in some of my strange lands
I can't trust
this saving grace of a feeling
I don't feel
the erratic drums
my blood hot
under your touch
on those wild nights
that are starting to blur around the edges
We're the only ones who know
the last dying notes to this song

Maybe I don't want to know
when it's time to let go
Sarah Villaluz Jun 2014
but devastatingly ****
your restraint lures me
into depths giving birth to other depths of other
like some strange tide
lull me into silence
and into hushed hot whispers
in between the covers
of stars and sleep.

It's like you constantly move
in slow motion
and it's turning me on
with a voice
like roughened black velvet
and you touch me
to the beat
of some ancient heartbeat
and eyes looking at me
like I'm the only woman
in the room
nothing exists anymore
just your eyes and our heartbeats
beating mad
I already know
as that tear falls into the night
if you want me
as the light hits my face
let's not exist outside this space
just you me and infinity
Sarah Villaluz Mar 2014
Tricky how memory plays tricks
The present hides things
And like some prodigal son of myth
gently wakes me up
on mornings such as this.

Naked, I stood above
naked in flesh, bone and stars
naked in my fragility and scars
you kept your eyes closed
awash in sensation
like half of you- asleep
dreaming away nights
as we shivered under this night sky
as I drew circles
tracing patterns on your skin
Plunging into my own thoughts
together, I am alone.

Secret words lead to secret thoughts
I would've wanted you
to read them aloud
to see the truths hidden
in the silence, in the dark.

Those nights,
each dance
that left my throat hoarse
from laughing and screaming
haunt me, still.
It still makes me want
to crawl under your covers
and smell your skin.

What is it that you ask of me
When the only way I know
of loving is this
It comes out
in short, intense bursts
like sunlight blinding your eyes
Are you afraid to burn, to bleed?
Are you afraid of me
because I bring out the demons in you
I talk with them, laugh with them, love with them
Because they are a part of you
as you are a part of me, too.

If you decide not  to love me anymore,
Don't look at me the way you do
Don't give me secrets for me to keep
Don't keep coming back
branding me with hot kisses
until my entire being is aflame,
Don't come back
and remind me of the smell of leather
and how caramel would taste like on my tongue
Don't smoke my cigarettes
wondering what my lipstick would taste like
Don't show me any more kindness
I'm comfortable taking them from strangers
Don't bury yourself in my hair
You may not come back alive
Most of all,
don't remind me
of the first time we met
of star-spun nights
and how you never forget
the ones that make you bleed

I write in the blood
until these words
fade and turn to dust
Sarah Villaluz Jan 2014
You moved like the night sky
in my dreams last night
midnight blue
the way the stars danced with you
and I sang
each of their names
every time the light hits your face
I watched you smile
and laughed
as my heart broke
until the cold wind wrapped me
in his arms
and kissed me
until I wept.

Sometimes I forget the bruises
and creep under your covers
and sleep in your embrace
knowing full well
there will be blood
on these sheets come morning
and we dissolve into air
like dry cigarette smoke
or the last notes of scent
that stays hidden
in some dark corner on a rainy day
waiting for me to take it home.

Have I ever told you
what I wanted to be most,
in life?
I want to be someone's ***** secret,
hidden and ripe
I believed that I wanted to be yours
truly and only
But you had no use for secrets
no space to clear your head
you'd rather chase land, air and sea
than watch stars kiss sea
with me

Don't you see
that I don't care
for all the crimes you've done
or your mad existence
or the women you've loved before
I only care that you are real
But you're still some character in some book
waiting to be written
And however I write in blood or in tears
I still can't give birth to your name
I only have your voice in my head
Somewhere, you exist.

I am made of a thousand glittering pieces
Some clothed in shining radiance,
others sharp as knives
petulant in their disgrace.
I am in pieces
and I fear I cannot give
you everything of me
for some of my pieces were
lost, stolen, given freely
never to return.
I make myself up in words
to fill in the cracks
Sometimes all I have are words
burning bright as the sun
and though it burns my throat
and I have blisters on my tongue
to ravish you, mind and body
I say them like a prayer
falling on deaf ears.
But you refuse to hear me sing,
too personal, you say.

I never knew the sound
of a thousand pieces crashing then.
And now I learned
You are nothing,
Until you are everything to me.
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