By Mayank

What is better?
To me, who makes his father proud.
To me, who makes him cry with happiness.
To me, a son who obeys everything.
To me, who scores well.
To me, who never asks for wealth.
To me, who never turns his back on him.
To me, who knows how to make him happy.

But as I see it, I was never able to become this.
My standards are low.
This category—these ideals—were made by me.
But I am the one who can’t become any of them.
I never became his best son.
I never became what he truly deserves.
He deserves better than me.

But to him, responsibility is all that matters.
He never told me,
“You're a failure. You're nothing.”
I wish he had.
I wish he said something to me.

He just looked at me and smiled,
Like I was the best son in the world.
I know I am not the best.
But, Papa, I love you the most — more than anything else.

I cry for you in the night.
I’m still hoping to see you alive.
I never deserved you.
And you never deserved a son like me.
You always deserved a better son — not like me.