It broke me in silence
To know he wasn’t aware
To pretend and lie to me
That I wasn’t truly loved
That he used me
That everything I felt was true
I was gaslit
I was duty
It was conditional
It was all a performance
He gave me crumbs to keeps me hoping
Words became empty
Because the actions weren’t there

Awakening to the reality
Of what was really happening
Broke me
And still I hoped he would change
I thought his patience meant he cared
It was to keep me quiet as he did what he wanted
He said why can’t I accept him as he is
I said I can’t betray myself anymore