I gave up chronic alcoholism a few days back
as I got some severe pain on my left side just
below my rib cage. Strangely I still have that
pain but only if I poke the region with my finger.
The pain went away after 2 hours and came back
after eating a meal the next day but now I can only
feel the piercing pain if I poke the region.

I was drinking 3 liters of wine a day or a bottle
of Bullett Bourbon or 30 cans of strong beer for
the last couple of years.

I saw my doctor and got meds that make it impossible
for me to drink as it changes the taste to very ******.

Today I saw him again. He took my blood pressure and
said it was high. He's getting me to take a blood test
tomorrow first thing in the morning after fasting and a
***** test.

I believe the results are going to be bad but I deserve
the bad karma anyway. I really did hurt a-lot of people
when I got smashed over the 2 and a half years.
I could barely put my shoes on before seeing him. It made me exhausted and I've been breathing far more heavier and strained. I always have flume in my throat.

My eyes are yellowing  but not my skin. I do believe I'm in the early or mid stages of liver disease and possibly diabetes but that's on me for the path I chose. Early liver disease can be reversed as can Diabetes. My family has always been very heavy drinkers. My uncle used to drink a bottle of whiskey a day for 40 years and when he got asbestos poisoning, his liver was ironically perfect. His doctor said to him
" I bet you have never had a drink in your life" My Uncle replied " You are on the ball there"
Heart failure and attacks are what kills the men in my family.

I'm not scared of death, I'm scared of not being able to show in 6 months that I am a much better human being and I wish to build bridges again. I need forgive-ness but that will only come with action. My goal in life if I survive is to help elderly men. Drive them to the shops and appointments and just be a friend to them. I'm planning on taking the course soon to be qualified to do this.

I want to change from the demon to a selfless human and feel humanity, empathy & the way I was before I hit the bottle.

I need to survive long enough to answer to the terrible things I have said & apologize truthfully.
I won't accept a new liver though as I don't believe I deserve it. I would rather it goes to someone much more deserving.