i want to break bad,
but i'm too lame.

i think i would rather
sleep
sleep
sleep
(if i could...)

hide and hibernate
cover myself in dirt and blend
in with the trees
and  birds and squirrels

i don't know how
to break bad
and do something new

so i fill my mind
with stories of
robots
monsters
and ordinary men
that do magic
ordinary women
that are fierce and bold

i scribble and write and cry.
and who needs that?

no one.

i don't know how much longer
i can keep this up
retreating into this empty space
...because now i feel
like i deserve it
like i should
be in this miserable place

i want to break bad,
become a ****-head
and a big ol' ****

i want to break bad
and be satisfied
with meaningless tasks

but i can't

and it's infuriating

because banging my head
against this wall
hurts

i don't know if i can get out of this.

i don't feel like i can survive this.

but every day i try not to
think any further
than the moment i'm in

or else i will be
s l a m m e d
with panic
and terror
and a sense of helplessness

i want to break bad.
i want to have clarity.
i don't want to be alone.

**i don't want to be alone.