I was attacked by a bear in the yard & survived
Got tasered by some random person but luckily i was revived
I survived in Spain when doing the running of the bulls & got trampled
Also lived when my stomach was pumped after ingesting rat poison i somehow sampled
The wife & i went to the Grand Canyon but i fell off of the cliffs, twice
I went skiing, heard a blast but was found when i got buried under a ton of ice
I was stung by a dozen jelly fish when weirdly swimming in pool not the sea
Walked away fine after trapped for several hours under a huge tree
Somehow it also happened with a heavy, massive rock
When the wife forgot to turn off the power & i got electrocuted, but I survived the shock
The wife accidently left in the boat & I got stuck on an island where the volcano erupted
I came back after I was taken & tortured by the Russian government who I believe may be corrupted
Also, when kidnapped in Mexico, they let me live though the wife forgot to pay the ransom
Had a random man throw acid in the face, my wife said the man must of thought i was too handsome
Somehow i got injected with venom by a snake
It’s like I’m so tough i refuse to break
In bed one night i was bitten by a black widow spider
Then when i was 9,800ft in the air, i somehow split my glider
The worst was when I went for a walk in a park I got mugged
Or when i woke up from a car crash & later was told i was drugged
Then by some nutcase I got shot in the head
I was for six minutes legally dead
I even survived when my silly wife accidently put in my food cyanide
These are the different ways I've nearly died
Each time I survived my wife just happily cried
Its nice to know she is always by my side.