Oct 2013
[tater tots, sour cream, & smoked gouda]
i'm deeply afraid
that i am
a kaleidoscope
of shards
crushed
colored
glass
there is too much
s p a c e
around me
deafening silence
i want to be
held down
i want to be
smothered
i want to be
warm
i want to be
in the sun
i feel like
an exploding star
or a character
in a movie
that gets overcome
and flys apart
into brilliant
shafts of light
i'm sick
of trying
to stifle sobs
because i don't
want my neighbors
to think i'm
a ******
and i've been
thinking maybe
i'm not as old
as i think i am
and that is
terrifying
it is worse
than being old
because time is
stretching into
a vast expanse
of nothingness
how do i trust myself
when everything
has fallen apart
when all my decisions
have led to this...
this?
...but i've
been falling from
space
hard.*
burning through
the atmosphere
like a
bat out of hell
and it is
the only thing that
seems right
i trust myself
in the realization
that plunging
to the earth
on fire
is maybe
the best thing
that has ever happened to me
i'm not trying to stop
in fact, i'm picking up speed
being pulled
by gravity
if i had to be catupulted
into space
unwillingly
to realize that
this *breathtaking fall
is better
then so be it.
and i will
put smoked gouda
on tater tots
unapologetically
in an effort
to class up
this joint.
and because it's delicious.
i'm deeply afraid
that i am
a kaleidoscope
of shards
crushed
colored
glass
there is too much
s p a c e
around me
deafening silence
i want to be
held down
i want to be
smothered
i want to be
warm
i want to be
in the sun
i feel like
an exploding star
or a character
in a movie
that gets overcome
and flys apart
into brilliant
shafts of light
i'm sick
of trying
to stifle sobs
because i don't
want my neighbors
to think i'm
a ******
and i've been
thinking maybe
i'm not as old
as i think i am
and that is
terrifying
it is worse
than being old
because time is
stretching into
a vast expanse
of nothingness
how do i trust myself
when everything
has fallen apart
when all my decisions
have led to this...
this?
...but i've
been falling from
space
hard.*
burning through
the atmosphere
like a
bat out of hell
and it is
the only thing that
seems right
i trust myself
in the realization
that plunging
to the earth
on fire
is maybe
the best thing
that has ever happened to me
i'm not trying to stop
in fact, i'm picking up speed
being pulled
by gravity
if i had to be catupulted
into space
unwillingly
to realize that
this *breathtaking fall
is better
then so be it.
and i will
put smoked gouda
on tater tots
unapologetically
in an effort
to class up
this joint.
and because it's delicious.
