I dictate others emotions, their luck, their fate,
When I have a good day—I destroy their lives,
When I have a bad day—they get to be happy,
God is playing a psychological game with me,
But I can’t figure out the rules.

I must sacrifice my own happiness for others,
I must martyr my mental health,
Jesus dying wasn’t enough for this sick God
He had to inflict more pain;
Something worse than physical,
Mental.

I am Sisyphus, punished.
I must forever take the burden of a meaningless task,
And why? Just because someone above me
Commands me to, I must obey.
I too cheated death—I got better,
I escaped God’s grasp. I healed.
And now I must live with the consequences,
Of knowing how it feels to be happy,
But being unable to.