Shout Scream Pout and doubt Beg and kneel and promise me it’ll change From ages four and up and till I reached the 7th grade my life was a walking minefield Dodging and weeving around bullets Thoughts bullets weren’t for me though Yet they still grazed me Scared me with the echo ringing through the battle field that was supposed to be my home For the first I knew what it felt like to be scared For the first time I went to sleep doubting why I was here For the first time I heard you shout You were supposed to be a gentle man Not exactly a father but a step down Guess that’s why they call them step fathers But to my brothers whom were but your sons The one you beated, hit, yelled at, And I watched Hearing him cry in pain He was 16 yet scared of him as much as I am of you I realized for the first time you weren’t what I thought You were a haunting thought Each threat and shout and door you left dented Time spent in hotels rather than in the safety of my bed Every time you called the police And the threat to take away my only home Guess it wasn’t my only home Second But it was second to best with you You see you treated me with gentleness A kindness I’ll never forget And today I still like to think of you as that man The man before you turned into you But you aren’t that man You are what you are A angry man Drunken and confused And oh so painfully sweet I miss when I was three Of dear god I wish it were me I wish it were me you hit It was me you shouted and yelled at Cause god I’d have a reason to hate you If you did Because I’m still painfully attached to you, even in the end.
This is based off some of not a whole lot of situations that played out through the ages 5 to 13 of my childhood. Please don’t judge if it’s poorly writen