You smiled into my teeth and exhaled your whiskey breath gently down my spine.
Your voice was soft & your jokes were light;
Your hands were warm
And rough
And slow
Your eyes were quarters in your skull;
bright & aware when they were
focused on my thighs
Your teeth were crooked,
And egg shell
And interesting
Your mind was loud
And sweet
And racing

I layed awake for 365 nights in a row,
just wondering when your limbs
would come to replace my
old pillows, again

My heart has ached for you
in the most endless stream
of days and hours

But the pedestal I stood
you on, crumbled
And I stopped
waking up with
your name lingering
on the tip of my tongue

Darling
I'm sorry
but I don't think
I ever loved you
I think I loved
a version of
you
fabricated
by
some version
of me,
that died a long
time ago
& buried
the butterflies
with it

Sometimes,
no matter how badly
we wanna plug in
the life support
the best thing to do is
to throw the dirt
down over the grave
Blow a kiss
And
Walk away