I want to tell you about my day

I want to tell you that I went to see my old house and I felt this sickening nostalgia as my mom and I drove down the road that my dad left us on
the same road we chased after him on 13 some years ago

I want to tell you that today I looked in the mirror and didn't even recognize my reflection, all I saw was this girl looking back at me that I didn't even recognize, nor liked

I want to tell you that I miss you but I'm starting to miss myself more, how I feel like you're attempting to control the tings that composed my very being before I met you

I want to tell you that I don't think you understand life or people as much as you think you do
I don't think you care about me the same way that you used to

I want to tell you that I feel like I'm rotting and wasting away but don't have the strength anymore to get up and do anything about it

I want to tell you that I don't think I'm as extroverted as I used to be, being around people for longer than a few hours makes me physically exhausted enough to faint

I want to tell you that love is not control, love is attending a thousand funerals of who someone used to be and loving each person they become without trying to change that

I want to tell you I made the front page of a poetry website I've been writing on for 5 years and I'm proud of myself for creating something I think is worthwhile even if you don't

I want to read you my poetry but I know you well enough to know you won't appreciate the thoughts I have, writing them off as some heavy self destructive woman who's too emotional sometimes or not emotional enough at others

I want to read you my poetry and have you truly listen