I was falling asleep while speaking

but you kept the conversation going
Until

You pushed and pushed and I willingly fell again

We laughed and rumbled half asleep in my bed
We kissed again and I said I missed you you said it back but next day walking you to the bus
I thought to myself how I wasn't serious-- you know me
A people-pleaser to no-end until they please me back
we were so young and dumb near this time last year,
And I just cannot understand why you miss her like you do,
I miss the dead and no one else, before she died she
Was starting to become like a big sister--

But nothing gone really has to matter any longer than you
let it, does it,babe?
And even though you're a year older I always felt like a big brother,
I've bled and disfigured myself in your name so you
best believe when I tell you I don't even like you.

But I know you'll just laugh in my face...

O I'm so cruel and you're so cold and we're both so dumb I guess that's why we get along babe.
Your voice changed back to the one I fell inlove with
Your face looks
so different upclose, you and me can talk so smart when we want to,
Give good advice if we cared to;

I wish I could still blame it on loneliness and drugs but I've been sober for too many days to be worth counting anymore.

Did I ever tell you I loved you beyond mouthing it when we started our shortlived affair? Why's it so much easier to say now

Each
time we hang up but you never said it when you got on that bus, why was that babe? If I still cared I'd wonder who

Was on your mind
instead of me

Thank God I've gotten used to isolation since our last night just us together,
though I'm certain I hated you then as much as I loved you then

And I never made a promise I didn't believe I could keep
Although I've said many things that turned out to be lies.

I look forward to our next meeting, I've long known I don't appreciate you until you're gone.
So please,
Never stray too far, I will not kiss where your feet rested
but I will grieve your death in my dreams and I will awake praising God
that it was only a dream.