Grief always finds a way to hit you the hardest when you least expect it.

It's been over a year and a half, and I can push by and smile even on days when my thoughts resort back to you when I'm alone in my car at 7:30 on a winding country road.

but unexpectedly, scrolling through Facebook, stumbling upon a picture your mom posted

you, sitting out to dinner with your siblings, big smile, eyes twinkling (how could someone so full of life decide to end it all)

can send me into a spiral

now sitting at my kitchen island, turning into a blubbering mess, trying to console myself

telling myself that you're watching down on me telling me that you don't like seeing me so upset.