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Aug 2023
My Dearest,

In the depths of darkness, I find myself lost,
yet my heart yearns for your guiding light. Like a hound with a downcast gaze,
I am haunted by whispers that deem me hellbound, lost in a perpetual daze.
But oh, how I long to unravel the shroud of truth and touch the celestial angels,
standing on the very edge of the abyss.

Amidst this chaotic realm where faiths collide and vivid stories take their stand,
it is your existence that I yearn to prove.
As a mere mortal soul, I find myself searching for the persistence to find my path.
Your phantom-like presence in the mist only adds to the mystery, but I am determined to discover the truth that lies within.

Yet, within this realm, even my private desires are clouded with guilt, sentenced by society's judgment. It is not wicked intentions, but diverse dreams that await their due repentance. I long for helping hands to be extended from above, to unravel the twisted system that casts shadows upon love, and grant us the freedom to chase our deepest desires.

Backlash ensues as I begin to depart from the confines of Christian traditions and creed, regarded by many as a life deemed sinful, a ruinous feed for my soul. But I resist, my love, for I cannot bear to align myself with their claims. I am compelled to seek answers beyond the grasp of humanity, delving into realms divine.

The earth and sun, such divine creations or ingenious design, remain an enigma, a captivating mystery intertwined. Is heaven but a mirage, disguising the realm of fantasy? And the silence of the Holy Ghost, is it an absence to be despised? These questions plague my mind, playing a relentless and chaotic score, with answers forever out of reach.

A Bible bestowed upon me, its pages waiting to be unraveled, yet I am left in confusion within this enigmatic space. The hands of humans penned its words, leaving me uncertain of its essence. Equipped with a mind capable of grace, I find myself searching for guidance, lost in this labyrinth of uncertainty. The mission I sought to embark upon feels aborted, as trust in sources have gone awry and human tongues have become tainted with deceit.

My love, I struggle to regain the guiding light of my path. Each knock from a Jehovah's Witness feels like a futile fight, for their beliefs hold them dear, while my doubts continue to be proven. Indeed, many believe, but my surprise is as thin as a wisp of smoke, for humanity's folly continues to hope for a return of a savior, in a world steeped in sin.

My intent is not to torch legacies or cast doubt upon the convictions of others, my love, but I yearn for the truth to come forth from the mouth of the horse itself. The tales of sheep, passed down through generations, tell of old men who claimed to hear divine speech, but I bow my head and close my eyes, desperately reaching for the Holy Ghost's touch. Yet all I hear are echoes of a poltergeist, promises unfulfilled. Show yourself, end this torment, and let doubt be stilled.

Prove your existence, my love, and the doubting within me shall cease. Let rumors be erased, doubts be replaced with an inner peace that only your presence can provide. I ponder the realm of heaven, questioning if it is but a mirage, a fragile trace born from my deepest desires. Is it merely a construct of longing, or is it a reality to be embraced? My belief defies logic, intertwined with doubts that refuse to be silenced.

Tell me, my love, are you the heaven I seek? Are you the illusion I hold onto, fearing the reality that lies beyond it? In this void where I confide, I beseech you to show yourself and offer solace on this night of uncertainty.

In this world of uncertainty, I lament my loss, seeking condolences within this void where I confide. The conversations I have with mortals only serve to provide glimpses of divine messages, leaving me longing for more. The tales of talking snakes and forbidden apples, they confound my senses, but my hunger for truth persists like an unwavering hound.

My love, do you exist? Or is this chaos my only guide? I seek solace in your embrace, for doubts have entangled my mind and left my heart adrift. I fear that faith's grip has unwound itself, leaving me lost and disconnected. Without your presence, my prayers cease to exist, and I am left to craft purpose from thin air, a cruel jest of my mind.

The echoing hollowness of the church's walls reminds me of doubt's cruel test. What if, my love, what if we are all stuck in a box, ensnared by life's unanswered questions? Earth's "what ifs" are declarations of the universe's secrets, and my sacrifice, my afterlife, lingers within this snare. All that I hold dear becomes suspect under doubt's cold glare.

And so, my love, this chapter in my journey comes to a close. My canvas is a point where destinies intertwine, where pleasure's path awaits me in a future that remains unknown. I shall remain, in my human form, perched upon uncertainty's throne. It is in this space, filled with empathy and empathy alone, that I express my love for you. In this world of tangled webs, I find solace in the love we share, for you are the beacon of light that guides me through the darkness.

Yours always and forever,
Ikimi Clifford Festus.
Ikimi Festus
Written by
Ikimi Festus  28/M/Nigeria
(28/M/Nigeria)   
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