I am not okay with the idea of seeing a doctor, To be told how broken I am, I am not okay with the thought of seeing a therapist, Purging my mind to someone who is paid to give a ****, I am not okay with the thought of swallowing pills, Forcing myself to swallow each ounce of false happiness To please everyone else, I am not okay with people hiding my blades from me As if I'll never realise that they're missing Or that I'll suddenly forget the desire to cut away the pain, I am not okay with people telling me this for my own good, Because who could ever know what's good for me? I am not okay with my family telling me they are proud one minute Then telling me to give up the next, I am not okay with having to smile through each day While trying to battle back the oncoming stream of tears, Teachers asking me if I'm managing at college Because I "look a little under the weather", I am not okay with having to eat food To look normal When all I want to do is throw it away, But people pay attention too much.
I am not okay with another breath escaping my lungs, Falling asleep knowing that my eyes will open the next day, I am not okay with living, But nobody will let me go, And I want them to.