no matter how far I've come
how much I've been doing better
I always return and succumb
to this deep and chronic fetter

the darkness slowly creeps back in
too tired, to scared, to restless
maggots wriggling under my skin
psyche becoming monstrous

I know the feeling all too well
like an old friend I can't let go
encasing me in a protective shell
personally fitted not to show

I find I've changed drastically
yet still not much at all
just a child dreaming fantastically
a forest fairy in the fall

the more I learn to love myself
the less I'm fond of others
a dress up doll atop a shelf
with poor emotional buffers

I wonder what it's like to live
as oblivious as you are
what it feels like not to give
your years to itchy scars