my mother was an alcoholic
drinking one more just to sleep
so I started to drink too
even if I didn't like the taste

I just wanted her to love me
to hold me tight
oh she was so broken
so I climbed inside her empty heart
tried to start a fire
but she left me dead and cold
in that hallow space

I went to waste
couldn't find someone to love me
I took all she had
all of her pain
I made it my own
in my little head
I believed if
she couldn't love me
at least she could hurt me
in the ugliest ways
maybe one day she'd realize
her worst mistakes

but I'm older now
she never takes the blame
I was never the victim
was I supposed to hate her
is it too late

I never once exploded
swallowed it down
that's why she likes me
because I put on my fake smile
tell her I'm okay
when in reality
I never processed a **** thing
stuck in my 12 year old mentality
frozen in that body

mother please love me
it hurts when you never put me first
I was your daughter
waiting my turn